IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today, more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara Desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?

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In recent days, an increasing number of tourists have chosen to visit challenging destinations,
such
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 as the Sahara Desert and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Antarctica.
While
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 travelling to
such
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 extreme places can provide unique experiences, I believe the negative sides
on
Change preposition
of
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 personal safety and risk to the
environments
Check wording
environment
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 are more significant. An attempt will be made to explore both advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 trend. One major benefit of having
such
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extraordinary
Correct article usage
an extraordinary
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 vacation is the opportunity to experience an astonishing
wild life
Correct your spelling
wildlife
,
where merely
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 people are
able
Rephrase
not able
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 to see. Visiting the Sahara,
for example
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, visitors can observe
an
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apply
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immense sand dunes,
traditional
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the traditional
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 lifestyle, and amazing night skies.
Similarly
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, tourists who choosing journey to
the
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apply
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Antarctica, allow to witness
real
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the real
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 footprint of earth evolutionary recording in
ice
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the ice
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 landscape, be able to see stunning aurora, and create lifelong memories of staying in an isolated environment. Another advantage is the sense of adventure and personal achievement
, to
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. To
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 illustrate, being able to survive in arid and severe cold climates offers a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
However
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, there are
also
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 several disadvantages related to
this
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 practice. The most widely known is
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 locations can be dangerous
due to
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 isolation, extreme weather, and limited access. In
such
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environment
Correct article usage
an environment
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 of the Sahara area, people tend to face dehydration and sandstorms,
while
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 temporary staying in Antarctica may result in
hypotermia
Correct your spelling
hypothermia
 or other health distress, which can cause life-threatening
.
Check wording
conditions.
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 Another concern of its drawback associated with the ecological risk, tourism activity is
the
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a
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 major
threaten
Replace the word
threat
 to damage
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such
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apply
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those fragile ecosystems.
Furthermore
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, those places identified as
a
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apply
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highly sensitive conditions, where
a
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apply
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minimal
pollutions
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pollution
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, waste, and human intervention may disturb their native ecological services and accelerate degradation. To recapitulate,
although
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 visiting difficult destinations offers
unforgettable
Correct article usage
an unforgettable
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 adventure, the drawbacks involve life safety and the risk to the wild ecosystems
outweight
Use the right word
outweigh
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 its benefits.
Therefore
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,
such
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 trips should not be publicly organised, unless for educational or research purposes.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. You do this, but the bad side is stronger than the good side.
task response
Make your ideas more clear with simple and direct sentences. Some parts are hard to understand.
task response
Use examples in a more exact way. Some examples are good, but some are too general or not clear.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some sentences feel too long and heavy.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each sentence and one clear focus in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Check word form and grammar because they sometimes stop the flow of reading.
task response
You answer the question and talk about both benefits and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You give topic examples like the Sahara and Antarctica, which fit the task well.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion clearly shows your opinion.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • breathtaking landscapes
  • unique ecosystems
  • sense of adventure
  • personal growth
  • indigenous cultures
  • environmental conservation
  • climate change
  • environmental degradation
  • economically disadvantaged areas
  • physical health
  • harsh weather
  • difficult terrain
  • limited access to medical facilities
  • fragile ecosystems
  • habitat destruction
  • basic amenities
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