IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The plans below show a student room for two people and a student room for one person at an Australian university

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The layouts compare the details of
two
Use synonyms
 different student rooms
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 for
two
Use synonyms
 people and only for
one
Use synonyms
 at an Australian university.
Overall
Linking Words
, the length of rooms is the main difference,
while
Linking Words
 the cost of accomodation
also
Linking Words
 related to its capacity .
Moreover
Linking Words
, the place of some core facilities is common in both rooms.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the cost of a student
room
Use synonyms
 for
two
Use synonyms
 people is 350$ per week, including many more amenities
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
and the capacity of the place is
also
Linking Words
 enormous(6:4 in square metres). The
two
Use synonyms
 beds are situated in the eastern section,
one
Use synonyms
 on the top of the
room
Use synonyms
, and
one
Use synonyms
 at the bottom
side
Check wording
of the room
show examples
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, study desks are
also
Linking Words
 placed in the same way.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
two
Use synonyms
 cupboards alongside bookshelves are located between
two
Use synonyms
 beds. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
also
Linking Words
 a sink, a stove, a table and chairs in close proximity to the bathroom, which occupy the northern area.
According to
Linking Words
 the student
Correct word order
, the price for one person
show examples
room
Use synonyms
 for
one
Use synonyms
 person, the price is generally lower than the first
one
Use synonyms
 (200$ per week).
While
Linking Words
 horizontall size of the
room
Use synonyms
 is almost the same, the lengthwise is smaller, only 2,5 metres.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some core facilities,
such
Linking Words
 as
bathroom
Correct article usage
a bathroom
show examples
,
study
Correct article usage
a study
show examples
 desk and
bed
Correct article usage
a bed
show examples
 are situated at the same position,
while
Linking Words
 the place of other amenities is changed in order to fit them. The central area is left without any furniture, convenient to move around, and all the equipments occupy the bottom side of the layout.

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task response
Make the overview more clear. Say the two main changes in one short sentence.
task response
Cover all key parts in a more even way. You wrote about size and price well, but some room features are not fully compared.
task response
Use more exact words for place and size. This helps your ideas feel more complete and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas by room or by feature, but keep one clear plan all the way.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'while', 'both', 'in contrast', and 'also'.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with long sentences. Shorter sentences can make your meaning much clearer.
task response
You gave an overview, which is very important in this task.
task response
You included key facts such as price, size, and main furniture.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs for the main parts.
coherence and cohesion
Some comparisons are easy to see, such as room size and cost.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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