IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040in three different countries.

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The line graph shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 100 years in three different countries. In terms of Japan, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and over was the lowest among the three countries in 1940, at just 5%. The
quantity
Check wording
number
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 of
people
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 aged 65 and over dropped slightly from 5% to 4% between 1940 and 1980. After that, there was a dramatic rise
the
Change preposition
in the
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 proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and over from 5% to 9% between 1980 and 2020, and
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 projected to rise
further
Linking Words
 to 28% by 2040.
At the end
Linking Words
, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 will be the highest in 2040, and the figure for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japan will overtake
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 and Sweden. Turning to Sweden, the quantity of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 showed a steady upward trend between 1940 and 2020, reaching about 20% in 2020. Following that, it is projected to continue increasing and will overtake the USA by 2040,
will reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
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 about 25%.
At the end
Linking Words
, the share of
people
Use synonyms
 will take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place in 2040.
In addition
Linking Words
, the USA showed a similar trend. The share of the population aged 65 and over showed a slow increase from 9% to 14% between 1940 and 2020, and is projected to rise
further
Linking Words
 to 23% by 2040.
At the end
Linking Words
, the percentage of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 will be the third
higher
Replace the word
highest
 among
other
Replace the word
others
 in 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and over will increase in all three countries, with Japan rising the most sharply.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, further".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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