The graphs below show that post-school qualifications held by Canadians in the age groups 25 to 35 and 45 to 55.

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The pie charts illustrate the proportion of the tertiary education
degrees
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held by two different age
groups
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in Canada.
Overall
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, it is clear in both age
groups
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,
Correct word choice
that
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a great number of
students
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major in administration, social
science
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and education. Engineering has more enrolments from
students
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aged 45 to 55 years old,
whereas
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the younger, 25 to 35 years old,
group
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prefers to study in
science
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, maths, and computer programs. Enrolments in administration, social
science
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, and education
degrees
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account for the highest share between the two
groups
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, at 19 and 15
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percent
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per cent
show examples
, 20 and 21
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percent
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per cent
show examples
, and 15 to 13
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percent
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per cent
show examples
, respectively.
Science
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, maths, computer and engineering qualifications are
also
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popular in both
groups
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;
however
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, it is more popular with younger people, consisting of 18
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percent
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per cent
show examples
. Meanwhile, engineering credentials is prefered among older
students
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. Interestingly, nursing
degrees
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are
also
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favored
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favoured
show examples
with the older
group
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, with one in every ten
students
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majoring in nursing. Regarding remaining
degrees
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, humanities student enrolment makes up around 5
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percent
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per cent
show examples
in each
group
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.
By contrast
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, the proportion of MBA
students
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in the younger
group
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is double that of the older
group
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words degrees, groups, students, science, group, percent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • post-secondary education
  • vocational training
  • bachelor's degree
  • master's degree
  • doctorate
  • diploma
  • certificate
  • professional designation
  • full-time education
  • part-time study
  • apprenticeship
  • continuing education
  • adult learning
  • educational attainment
  • workforce qualifications
  • demographic breakdown
  • socio-economic factors
  • statistical analysis
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