IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, young people are finding it increasingly difficult to buy a house or apartment. What are the causes of this problem? What measures could governments take to address it?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It is increasingly common to see young adults struggling to buy an apartment. Several key socioeconomic factors lie behind
this
Linking Words
 issue.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the causes of
this
Linking Words
 trend and propose viable solutions.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one major factor associated with the barriers
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 home ownership is the current low-income job market, which makes it difficult for buyers to have
access
Use synonyms
 to housing loans. Many people find themselves working long hours without being paid enough money for a mortgage. The solution is for the government to promote stricter regulations, so banks are forced to provide cheaper
credits
Check wording
credit
show examples
 and, at the same time, companies are encouraged to improve working conditions.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many people would rather
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 citizens’
access
Use synonyms
 to housing loans than
wasted
Replace the word
waste
 public funds on short-term political projects.
Secondly
Linking Words
, an additional aspect of
this
Linking Words
 problem is
education
Use synonyms
. It would be virtually impossible for a carpenter or a driver to have the kind of income needed to be granted by a financial institution with a mortgage, unless they pay incredibly high interest rates.
Therefore
Linking Words
, improving
education
Use synonyms
 is key, since it would be easier for an engineer or a doctor to make the money they need for housing. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, the higher the level of
education
Use synonyms
, the easier their
access
Use synonyms
 to credit for an apartment. The way forward could be long-term investment in
education
Use synonyms
 to promote well-informed and responsible citizens who are capable of critically assessing different options. In conclusion, despite
access
Use synonyms
 to affordable housing being significant, effective solutions exist. If appropriate measures,
such
Linking Words
 as promoting regulations for increasing salaries and providing cheaper loans,
as well as
Linking Words
 improving
access
Use synonyms
 to higher
education
Use synonyms
, are implemented and carefully monitored, considerable improvements can be achieved in the long term. The more promptly these issues are addressed, the more swiftly a resolution can be achieved.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say more clearly why homes cost too much for young people, not only why loans are hard to get.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, talk about high home prices, low pay, or rent taking most money each month.
task response
Some ideas are too broad, like education. Link each idea more clearly to buying a home.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this simple plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, but a few sentences are long and not easy to follow. Break them into shorter parts.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph stay on one main point. This will help the flow and make support stronger.
task response
You answer both questions and give causes and ways the government can help.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'To begin with', 'Secondly', and 'In conclusion', which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: