Some people believe the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be beneficial to society. Others say the purpose of education is to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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There is no denying the fact that
education
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plays a crucial role in society and
people
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in the lives of people
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.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that some people think the purpose of learning is to prepare individuals to be beneficial to society, there is
also
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an argument that others believe the purpose of
education
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is to achieve their ambitions.
This
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essay will analyse
this
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topic from both points of view and give my opinion. On one hand,
education
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teaches
public
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the public
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how to be responsible members of society,
for example
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, many jobs benefit the
community
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such
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, such
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as doctors, teachers, and engineers
use
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, who use
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their knowledge to improve people’s lives.
In other words
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, when individuals
learn
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learn,
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they improve their skills
and
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, and
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this
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leads to helping the
community
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.
On the other hand
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, others believe that
education
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should focus mainly on helping students achieve their goals. It is
also
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possible to say that
this
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can significantly improve their career opportunities and allow them to earn a higher income.
As a result
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, they can live more comfortably and support their families.
Moreover
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, individuals feel more comfortable when they follow their dreams.
For instance
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, my friend had a dream of becoming a doctor. So she worked hard to achieve her goals and achieved her dream.
As a result
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, she was able to help both herself and the
community
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. She felt happy and comfortable. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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question. On balance,
however
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, I believe that learning should help people achieve their personal ambitions and, at the same time, contribute to the
community
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.

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task response
For task response, you answer both views and give your opinion, so this is good. But your ideas are a bit general. Add one more clear reason for each side.
task response
For task response, your opinion is clear in the end, but make it stronger in the body too. Show why your view is best.
task response
For task response, the example about your friend is relevant, but it is very simple. Add a more clear and specific example.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some sentences do not connect smoothly. Use linking words carefully and make sure each sentence grows from the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your first body paragraph is too short and not fully developed. Add more support so both body paragraphs feel balanced.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion. This matches the question well.
task response
Your conclusion is clear and gives a balanced final view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because the order of ideas is clear.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words like On one hand, On the other hand, For instance, and As a result.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preparation
  • beneficial
  • society
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • civic responsibility
  • active participation
  • social initiatives
  • societal issues
  • solutions
  • specialized professions
  • personal growth
  • self-fulfillment
  • passions
  • interests
  • potential
  • talents
  • job prospects
  • financial stability
  • balance
  • meaningful
  • foundation
  • emphasis
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