IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that old buildings, such as town halls and art galleries, should be restored, even though this can be costly. Others argue that governments should replace them with new, modern buildings. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Few Folks believe that old building
such
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 as town halls
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 art galleries, should be restored even though
this
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 can be more expensive. Others argue that governments should
be
Verb problem
apply
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replace them with new modern
buildings
Use synonyms
. I believe that restore Old building is a good option rather than developing a new one. Old
buildings
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 were essential in our country because if we reconstruct those building it will keep our 90s
culture
Use synonyms
 and tradition protected. We can show
to
Change preposition
apply
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our children
that
Correct word choice
apply
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how the family
were
Verb problem
apply
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lived in the past. We
also
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 use
this
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 area for movie shooting because there have been some recent movies that
shoot
Wrong verb form
have shot
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 the vintage town scene in the movies. For my instances, Italy have some Towns which are used as heritage or picnic spots. society bring their kids and
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
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 the heritage building , like Library have old wooden flooring and
culture
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. Most of the public spend their weekend in these
village
Fix the agreement mistake
villages
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 for relaxation. Ones are
also
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 love the old traditional coffee style , which is available in some villages. Construct Modern Building is
also
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 a great option because of the latest ambient light and amazing structure.
Moreover
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,
this
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 will add facilities like emergency fire exit, elevator and a separate entrance for handicapped or older people.
For example
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: in recent years, governments are spending more
or
Correct word choice
apply
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funding on local towns to build more
buildings
Use synonyms
.
Overall
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, I believe that reconstructing old
buildings
Use synonyms
 is better than the modern ones because both require almost the same amount of money. If
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 we spend money on reconstruction, it will
last
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 our
culture
Use synonyms
 for more than 30 years.
This
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 is solely way to keep our roots alive , and
this
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 helps us to show the
culture
Use synonyms
 of the village to our kids.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk more about old buildings than new ones.
task response
Give a clearer opinion in the middle and keep it the same to the end.
task response
Use more clear examples that directly show why each side is good or bad.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words well, like first, also, however, and overall.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence connects clearly to the one before it.
task response
You discuss both old buildings and new buildings.
task response
Your opinion is clear in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use some examples, such as Italy and movie shooting.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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