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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below gives information about computer ownership per household in the US from 1997 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The line graph compares the information about ownership per household in the US between 1997 and 2012,with figures measured
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 percentages .From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective ,households owning one
computer
Use synonyms
 ,2 , and 3 or more computers experienced an upward trend ,
while
Linking Words
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
who don’t use
Use synonyms
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 declined, albeit with varying levels . Of particular note is
,
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 only one
computer
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
users which
Fix the agreement mistake
user
show examples
 surpassed people who did not use
computer
Use synonyms
 thereby emerging as the dominant figure in
this
Linking Words
 category by the end of the
period
Use synonyms
 . In 1997,approximitely 68 % people
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the US did not use
Use synonyms
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 ,making it the highest figure on the char
however
Linking Words
,
experienced
Correct pronoun usage
it experienced
show examples
 a dramatic decrease to 20 %
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
 .From
this
Linking Words
 point onward , only one
computer
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
users
Fix the agreement mistake
user
show examples
 started around 25% in 1997, and witnessed a twofold increase by the end of the
period
Use synonyms
 .Meanwhile, two
computer
Use synonyms
users
Use synonyms
 began at only 5% in 1997 and rose gradually and finished the
period
Use synonyms
 at 23% in 2012.
By contrast
Linking Words
, 3 or more
computers
Check wording
computer
show examples
users
Use synonyms
 ,whose figure rose only slightly from 1 % to 10%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, users, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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