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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more people are buying a wide range of household goods. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

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Nowadays, more and more people are purchasing a wide range of
household
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goods
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. I believe that
this
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 is a positive development because it contributes to economic growth and improves people’s quality of life through modern technology. One major advantage of buying
household
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 products is that it supports the economy. When consumers purchase more
goods
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, companies and factories earn higher profits, which can lead to business expansion and the creation of new jobs.
In addition
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, governments may receive more tax revenue from successful businesses, allowing them to invest in public services
such
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 as healthcare and education.
Therefore
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, increased consumer spending can have a positive impact on the
overall
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 economy of a country. Another benefit is that modern
household
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goods
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 make people’s lives easier and more comfortable. Many electronic devices and smart technologies help individuals save time and complete daily tasks more efficiently.
For example
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, robotic vacuum cleaners, washing machines, and smart home systems reduce the amount of physical effort required for
household
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 chores.
Furthermore
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, electronic devices
such
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 as smartphones and computers allow people to access information and communicate more easily than in the past. In conclusion, I believe that the growing trend of purchasing
household
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goods
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 is beneficial because it strengthens the economy and helps people enjoy a more convenient and modern lifestyle.

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task response
Add one short line about the other side, then say why your view is stronger.
task response
Give one more real and clear example in each body part.
task response
Make one idea in each body part a little deeper with a cause or result.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few more link words like also, as a result, and for this reason.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make the jump between some sentences smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in one part and do not add too many small ideas.
task response
You answer the question clearly and keep the same view from start to end.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and easy to understand.
task response
You use good examples like robotic vacuum cleaners and smart home systems.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: start, two body parts, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one clear main point.
coherence and cohesion
Link words like in addition, another benefit, for example, and furthermore help the flow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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