IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some cities people are choosing cars instead of bicycles, while in other cities riding bikes is replacing cars. Why is this the case? Which development do you think is better?

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Choosing bicycles over cars
become
Verb problem
has become
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 a rising trend in some cities,
while
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 some cities prefer cars.
However
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, choosing to ride a bicycle in
city
Use synonyms
 areas
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is a good development to reduce
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion in urban areas, and
even
Verb problem
has
show examples
 multiple benefits.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons for
above
Correct article usage
the above
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 statement
along with
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 the examples.
To begin
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,
people
Use synonyms
chosing
Correct your spelling
choosing
 a way to transport themselves
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 depends on the road systems and the environment of
related
Correct article usage
the related
show examples
city
Use synonyms
 area. The
city
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 it is with well developed infrastucture and
also
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 with flowing
traffic
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 system,
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
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people
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
around the
city
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 tend to use their own vehicles to travel with in
city
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.
Whoever,
Correct pronoun usage
People
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 using their bicycles around the
city
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, because
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 more efficient
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that
city
Use synonyms
 ,and even more convenient to park their bikes
with in
Correct your spelling
within
 a small space.
For instance
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, in London, 90% of
people
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 choosing alternative transportations cause lack of parking
facility
Check wording
facilities
show examples
 around the
city
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.
Therefore
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, considering both preferences, riding foot cycles around the
city
Use synonyms
 is a positive development, and it gives multiple benefits at the same time. As we
known
Wrong verb form
know
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, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cities suffering the same problem
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
traffic
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 congestion
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Consequently
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, road users have to waste their time freezing in
middle
Correct article usage
the middle
show examples
 of
traffic
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. In
this
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 situation, by using a bicycle, the allow to go through the
traffic
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can use cycle paths
instead
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roads
Change preposition
of roads
show examples
.
In addition
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, riding
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
 is way safer
rather
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
than driving a car in
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
. In conclusion, choosing to ride bicycles is a good
development
Check wording
way
show examples
 to get away from annoying congestion in road systems, and it helps to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
 at the same time.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain some reasons, but your view needs more clear support.
coherence and cohesion
Use more clear main ideas in each paragraph. One paragraph should have one main point.
task response
Add better examples. The London example is not clear and may not be true.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'because', and 'so'.
task response
Check sentence meaning. Some lines are hard to understand, so your ideas are not always clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences and then explain them with one or two clear reasons.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You give a clear opinion that bicycles are better.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a basic paragraph order.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sprawling urban areas
  • infrastructure
  • carbon footprints
  • dedicated bike lanes
  • bike-sharing programs
  • compact urban design
  • sustainable
  • pollution
  • traffic congestion
  • livable
  • physical activity
  • reducing stress levels
  • alleviated
What to do next:
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