pie charts below show the main reasons why students chose to study at a particular UK University in 1987 and 2007.

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The pie charts illustrate the distribution of the devices- mobile phone, laptop,
tablet
Use synonyms
, desktop computer
-
Punctuation problem
,
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flat-screen
TV
Use synonyms
and conventional
TV
Use synonyms
- people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in 2009 and 2019, measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that conventional
TV
Use synonyms
considerable lost its popularity and
became
Wrong verb form
has become
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the least popular device by 2019,
while
Linking Words
the proportion of devices
such
Linking Words
as flat-screen
TV
Use synonyms
and mobile phone
increased
Verb problem
has increased
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and
became
Wrong verb form
become
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the most popular devices for watching television. In 2009, conventional
TV
Use synonyms
was the leading device at 34%, followed by desktop computer and laptop at 18% and 20%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, other devices, including
laptop
Check wording
laptops
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,
tablet
Use synonyms
and flat-screen
TV
Use synonyms
together accounted for just 28%
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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the smallest share by
tablet
Use synonyms
at 5%. By 2019, the popularity of flat
screen
Check wording
screens
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experienced substantial growth, climbing from 8% to 27%, becoming the most popular device.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
mobile
Check wording
the use of mobile
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phone
Check wording
phones
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significantly increased, reaching 26%, ranking
the
Correct article usage
apply
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second
proportion
Change preposition
in proportion
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.
Tablet
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
sharply rose to 19%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, conventional
TV
Use synonyms
dramatically dropped, falling from 34% to 8%,
made
Wrong verb form
making
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it the
most
Rephrase
apply
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least popular gadget,
while
Linking Words
the percentage of desktop
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
reduced moderately from 18% to 12%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "by contrast, while".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words tablet, tv with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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