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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Tourism is one of the fastest growing industries and contributes a great deal to economics around the world.However, the damage tourism can cause to local cultures and environment is often ignored. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In recent years, the debate of
overtourism
Use synonyms
is becoming
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 a growing issue. Some people argued that tourism can bring benefits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, others believed that the drawbacks
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
outweigh the
advantage
Check wording
advantages
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will dicuss about both advantage and disadvantage for
this
Linking Words
 issue and explain why I agree that
overtourism
Use synonyms
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 more damage than benefits.
Body · 1
On the one hand, some individuals believe that tourism
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 a lot of advantages to our society.
For example
Linking Words
, it builds more job opportunities for local
citizen
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citizens
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, which is very helpful in
practical
Correct article usage
a practical
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 situation. And
also
Linking Words
 the
economic
Replace the word
economy
 of the country will become better.
As a result
Linking Words
, local individuals will be welcoming and have positive opinions on
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
Body · 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people still argued that
overtourism
Use synonyms
 is the major problem that
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
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 chaotic situations.
For instance
Linking Words
, the residential area
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 noisy and dirty because of tourists. Some
agency
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agencies
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 open the group tour
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 out the significant issues of littering and sound management.
Furthermore
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, it
also
Linking Words
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
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 traffic congestion,
affecting dramatically for
Correct word order
dramatically affecting
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 those employees and students who need
drive
Verb problem
to drive
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 to work and school.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I agree that
overtourism
Use synonyms
 is a negative development in our society.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon
grows
Verb problem
increases
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 the job opportunities for residents, the drawbacks
is
Verb problem
apply
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far outweigh
of
Change preposition
apply
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it. Tourists are
over-invaded
Correct your spelling
overinvaded
 in the daily life of local individuals, and I believe the government should
also
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 take action to help residents
dealing
Wrong verb form
deal
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 problem.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. The task asks about local culture and the environment, but your essay talks more about noise, traffic, and jobs. Add ideas about culture and nature.
task response
Keep one clear position from the start. You agree overall, but the introduction says you will discuss both sides. State your main view in a simple and direct way.
task response
Develop each main point more. Your examples are general. Add one or two clear details to show how tourism harms local life, culture, or the environment.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part structure, which is good. To improve more, make each body paragraph focus on one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some links are helpful, but a few are not natural. Try simple links like 'First', 'Also', 'For example', 'However', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure ideas connect well inside the paragraph. Some sentences feel separate. Add a clear topic sentence, then explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow your essay.
task response
You give examples such as jobs, noise, litter, and traffic. These examples support your points.
task response
Your final opinion is clear: you think overtourism causes more harm than good.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural commodification
  • environmental degradation
  • local economies
  • cultural exchange
  • sustainable tourism
  • commercialization
  • authenticity
  • destination overpopulation
  • tourist expectations
  • economic benefits
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