IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of oldre people. do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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It's widely
know
Wrong verb form
known
show examples
 that, in some nations
nowadays
Punctuation problem
nowadays,
show examples
 the percentages of young
adults
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 relatively
inormous
Correct your spelling
enormous
 compared to older people.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon . To commence with, the increasing number of young
adults
Use synonyms
 could be
benifitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for the countries on the
economical
Replace the word
economic
 side. A large
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of young
adults
Use synonyms
 means a bigger power of working hand
for
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 India is one of the biggest economies in the world
due to
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 the large
numbers
Use synonyms
 of employed young
adults
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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 helped India to take
3rd
Correct article usage
the 3rd
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 spot of the biggest economies in the world.
However
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
This
Fix capitalization
this
show examples
 has
it
Correct determiner usage
its
show examples
 own drawbacks
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 in some poorer countries
where
Correct word choice
,
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 job offers aren't as
much
Rephrase
apply
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available
like
Change preposition
as in
show examples
 other countries.
This
Linking Words
 may raise the rate of crime, agression and drug traffic
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 one of the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 those
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 and actions
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 mainly
due to
Linking Words
 unemployment.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 Haiti's
Youth outweigh
Verb problem
youth outnumber
show examples
 older people
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 still
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 has one of the biggest crime rates around the world
due to
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 the lack of job offers . In my personal opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 think advantages surpasses disatvantages of
this
Linking Words
 situation.
as
Fix capitalization
As
show examples
 the big
numbers
Use synonyms
 of young
adults
Use synonyms
 would be situated
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
well developed
Correct your spelling
well-developed
 country on the educational side and
reaserch
Correct your spelling
research
 and infrastracture
this
Linking Words
 could boost it's developement , since there will be a lot of young
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 to invest in.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 Algeria boosted it's economics in recent years mainly
due to
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 the largely scaled
numbers
Use synonyms
 of young
adults
Use synonyms
 and the excellent education conditions. In conclusion ,
Althought Larger
Correct your spelling
Although larger
numbers
Use synonyms
 of young
adults
Use synonyms
 compared to older people
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
 advantages
such
Linking Words
 as
stronger
Correct article usage
a stronger
show examples
 economy and
developement
Correct your spelling
development
, it
also
Linking Words
 has it's disadvantges like high crime rates.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain how and why each point happens.
task response
Use examples that feel more clear and true. Some examples now are too general or may not fully support the point.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences clearer at the start of each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like however, therefore, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph order and sentence flow. Some parts are hard to follow because of grammar mistakes.
task response
You answered both sides of the topic and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used examples to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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