IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children engaged in sport are often overloaded with physical activity or get serious traumas. What are the main reasons of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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Intensively, into playing sports
since
Change preposition
from
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 a young age, they are likely
harmful
Replace the word
to harm
 their physical body from overloaded activities, which may face into stage of traumatising afterwards.
This
Linking Words
 essay
intend
Correct subject-verb agreement
intends
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 to discuss the possible reasons for
this
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 and explore effective solutions. There are a number of reasons why
sport people
Correct your spelling
sportspeople
 are often traumatised from loaded with activities or
encounter
Wrong verb form
encountering
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 severe injuries.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there is a lack of safety awareness,
while
Linking Words
 playing in an important game event
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 end up with
serious
Correct article usage
a serious
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 accident.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
un-preparing
Rephrase
not preparing
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 or
inadequate
Correct article usage
an inadequate
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 warm-up
body
Check wording
apply
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before entering the match
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
children
Check wording
children's
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muscles
Use synonyms
 weak and
imbalance
Replace the word
imbalanced
. Especially, if activity is required
a
Punctuation problem
, a
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long running or heavy lifting.
For instance
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, Marathon is a common
known
Replace the word
knowledge
 that participants are needed to practice their leg
muscles
Use synonyms
 for a
long-run
Check wording
long run
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distance
Punctuation problem
distance,
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 whether joining a half or full marathon.
Resulting in, most people are unlikely able
Correct word order
As a result, most people are unlikely
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 to finish the race because
Use synonyms
muscles
Correct determiner usage
their muscles
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 get tired and
massive
Verb problem
suffer massive
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 damage
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
cramped
Replace the word
cramping
 or
dehydrated
Replace the word
dehydration
. I strongly suggest a few effective solutions which can be taken into consideration immediately to overcome
this
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 issue. It is essential to acquire professional trainers who acknowledge
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
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 of sports or activities that children are into
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is significantly impact on individuals.
For example
Linking Words
, in order to
play
Verb problem
perform
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 weight lifting, it is mandatory to
address built-up
Verb problem
build up
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 their mass
muscles
Use synonyms
 by following the
instruction
Check wording
instructions
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 of training strictly or controlling
dietary
Replace the word
diet
, which will be
specific
Rephrase
specifically
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 designed individually by
coach
Correct article usage
the coach
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, it prevents any accidental moment and
also
Linking Words
to identify
Wrong verb form
identifies
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 if they are
overwhelm
Wrong verb form
overwhelmed
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 with physical events.
To
Change preposition
In
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 conclusion, it is noticeable that young people who are enjoined into athletics
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
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 to get exhausted
due to
Linking Words
 heavy
workout
Check wording
workouts
show examples
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 I am convinced that some steps can be taken to alleviate
this
Linking Words
 disturbing circumstance.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say the main reasons and the solutions in a direct way.
task response
Use ideas that are easy to follow. Some sentences are hard to understand now.
task response
Give examples that fit children in sport. The marathon example is not the best for young children.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one clear main point. Then explain it with one simple example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Use words like First, Also, Because, So, and Finally.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some parts do not connect well, so the meaning is not always clear.
task response
You answer both the reasons and the solutions, so the essay is complete.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples to support your ideas.
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