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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below show how studnets travelled to univercity in the UK and USA in 2010 and 2015.

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The pie charts compare the percentages of
students
Use synonyms
travelled
Correct pronoun usage
who travelled
show examples
 to university in the
UK
Use synonyms
 as USA between 2010
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2015. It
evident
Verb problem
is evident
show examples
 that the highest
percentages
Check wording
percentage
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
travelled
form
Use the right word
by
show examples
 bus,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentages
Check wording
percentage
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
came
Correct pronoun usage
who came
show examples
 from
taxi
Use synonyms
 was the lowest in the given years. In terms of
student
Check wording
students
show examples
, 33% of
students
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
travelled
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 bus, but
this
Linking Words
 figure decreased to 26% in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in the year 2015. In the same way, the proportion of
students
Use synonyms
travelled
Correct pronoun usage
who travelled
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
car increased from 27% to 31%
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 between 1995 and 2005. In
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 17% cycle in 2010, there increased 21% in 2015. In 2010,
In
Correct determiner usage
in the
show examples
UK
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
students
Punctuation problem
, students
show examples
 travelled by
taxi
Use synonyms
 and walking, 8% and 15%. But
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
In
Correct determiner usage
in the
show examples
UK
Use synonyms
Correct word order
, in 2015, the number of students who
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 in 2015, travelled 4%, it was decreased by 4%.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
travelled
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
 by walking, there was
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 3% in 2015. Regarding the remaining transports, the proportion of
students
Use synonyms
travelled
Correct pronoun usage
who travelled
show examples
 by bus and car in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 in 2010, it was 27% and 29%.
looking for
Change preposition
Looking at
show examples
 2015,
students
Use synonyms
 travelled 24% decreased.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 the car used by
student
Check wording
students
show examples
 was 35% in 2015, it was increase 6% in 2015. The figure for
students
Use synonyms
travelled
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
 by cycle 15% in 2010, it
was decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased to 20%
show examples
 in 2015, only for 20% to
used
Verb problem
be used
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
. Rather
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
show examples
, 19%
taxi
Use synonyms
 and 10% walking
used
Verb problem
were used
show examples
Use synonyms
students
Change preposition
by students
show examples
 for
travelled
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
 in 2010. But in 2015,
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
the number of students
show examples
travelled
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
 by
taxi
Use synonyms
 10% decreased.
and
Fix capitalization
And
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 travelled by walking
11
Punctuation problem
, 11
show examples
% in 2015,
it was
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 increased by 1%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, uk, taxi with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
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