IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

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Many individuals argue that working long hours has more benefits,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that we should spare some
time
Use synonyms
 for
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
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. In my opinion, the advantages
outweights
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages.
This
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 is because working for
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 can have an
affect
Use the right word
effect
show examples
 on both the mental and physical health of a person,
while
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leisure
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activities
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 can help relax
your
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
mind
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with, working consistently for a
prolong
Replace the word
prolonged
 period of
time
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 can negatively affect both the mental and physical health of an individual.
This
Linking Words
 is because our
mind
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 and
body
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gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
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 drained out of energy if we do not take
out
Change preposition
apply
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time
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 for some hobbies or
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 other than
work
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.
As a result
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,
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
body
Use synonyms
 gets tired and eventually
lose
Correct subject-verb agreement
loses
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 energy to
work
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 for a long
time
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.
For example
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, many people who do desk jobs,
such
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 as software engineers, suffer from
muscles
Check wording
muscle
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 and eye strain
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 their
overall
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 health.
Moreover
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, their
mind
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 reaches a saturation point
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 makes it difficult to concentrate on
work
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.
On the other hand
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, many individuals
agrue
Correct your spelling
argue
 that working for long hours has several advantages. They believe that working overtime at
work
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 creates a positive impression in front of their boss, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them climb up the success ladder quickly.
However
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, taking out
time
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 for
leisure
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activities
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 can help relax their
mind
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 and
body
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, which can eventually improve their productivity at
work
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.
Consequently
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, they could focus better and improve their
work
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 performance.
For example
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, doing
activities
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 like playing table tennis or golf, especially with family members, can help individuals to
stays
Wrong verb form
stay
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 active,
refreshes
Wrong verb form
refresh
show examples
 their
mind
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 and spend some quality
time
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 with their family. To sum it up, it
it
Verb problem
is
show examples
 very important to leave some
time
Use synonyms
 for
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
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 rather than working for
prolong
Replace the word
a prolonged
 period of
time
Use synonyms
 as
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
body
Use synonyms
 need break
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 the
mind
Use synonyms
 and
body
Use synonyms
 to relax.

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task response
Make your main answer fully clear from the start. You say the advantages are more, but your ideas show the disadvantages are more. Keep one clear side all through the essay.
task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Show why one side has more weight than the other, not only list both sides.
task response
Give one or two more clear and specific examples. Your example about desk jobs is good, but the point about boss and success needs more support.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph. This will help the reader follow your main idea more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more carefully. Some sentences jump from one point to another. Use simple linking words like first, also, however, and so in a more controlled way.
coherence and cohesion
Check repetition and small grammar mistakes because they can make the flow less smooth, for example 'it it', 'prolong', and 'advantage outweights'.
coherence and cohesion
You give a clear introduction and a clear ending, so the essay has a full shape.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are separated well, and each one has one main focus.
task response
You stay on the topic and discuss both work and leisure, so the response is relevant to the question.
task response
You use real-life examples, such as software engineers and sports with family, which helps support your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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