IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some societies it is increasingly common to try to achieve good health and fitness through physically demanding sports, special diets, or preventative medicine- conventional and alternative. Some people, however, believe that the best way to stay fit and healthy is simply to lead a normal life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent years, there has been on going debate about whether
people
Use synonyms
 should maintain their physical
health
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 through actively participating in sports, consuming
special
Correct article usage
a special
show examples
 diet
or
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 taking supplements or
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 a simple life.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that advanced
health
Use synonyms
 methods are necessary, I completely disagree with
this
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 viewpoint because normal living is more sustainable and less stressful.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons why an ordinary lifestyle is more effective and explain how it is beneficial for
health
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. The primary reason why I agree is that maintaining a normal and balanced lifestyle is easier to maintain
for
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 long term.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because daily habits like eating
home cooked
Correct your spelling
home-cooked
 meals, getting sufficient sleep and engaging in moderate physical activities lead to both physical and mental
well being
Correct your spelling
well-being
.
As a result
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, individuals will remain healthy consistently, which eventually leads to improved
overall
Linking Words
well being
Correct your spelling
well-being
.
For instance
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,
people
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 who walk daily and consume a balanced diet remain healthy as compared to
people
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 workout on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 simple daily habits are
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
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 part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 maintaining good
health
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. Another major factor is that excessive focus on sports
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 specials diets would lead to unnecessary stress and
health
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 risks.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
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 become obsessed
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 getting
perfect
Correct article usage
a perfect
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 body and ignore
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
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 of mental peace.
Consequently
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,
this
Linking Words
 leads to stress and exhaustion.
For example
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, some individuals follow strict
diet
Check wording
diets
show examples
 and intense workout plans that negatively affect their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. Admittedly, some
people
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 believe that preventative medications are effective for preventing diseases.
However
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, I believe
this
Linking Words
 argument is less convincing because
approach
Correct article usage
the approach
show examples
 is expensive and difficult to maintain.
Hence
Linking Words
, living a normal life remains the
bestest
Correct your spelling
best
 way to improve
health
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. In conclusion, I strongly agree that leading a simple and balanced life is the most convenient method to maintain good
health
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 because it promotes
long term well being
Correct your spelling
long-term well-being
 and
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 unwanted mental pressure.
Therefore
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, individuals should focus on daily living habits rather than extreme fitness methods.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task more fully. You give your view, but you can explain the other side a bit more.
task response
Use clearer examples. Your examples are general, so they do not feel very strong.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Add one more sentence to show how or why your point is true.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, but a few sentences feel repeated or not smooth. Try shorter and clearer links.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main point and fully supports it.
task response
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction and keep it the same in the essay.
task response
You cover the main topic and give reasons for your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words like 'for instance', 'however', and 'therefore' to guide the reader.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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