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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that now we can see films on our tablets and phones and there is no need to go to the cinema. Other say that to fully enjoy the film, we must watch it in the theater. Discuss both sides and give your opinion answer this writi

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In today’s world, many
people
Use synonyms
 prefer watching
films
Use synonyms
 on phones and tablets,
while
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 others believe
cinemas
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 are still the best place to enjoy movies.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and explain why I think
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
 provide a better experience. On the one hand, watching
films
Use synonyms
 on personal devices is convenient and affordable.
People
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 can watch movies anytime and anywhere without
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to a cinema. Streaming platforms
such
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 as Netflix and Amazon Prime offer a huge variety of
films
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 at low monthly costs.
In addition
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, viewers can pause or replay scenes whenever they want, which is impossible in
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
. For busy
people
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 and students,
this
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 flexibility is extremely beneficial.
Furthermore
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, modern phones and tablets now have high-quality screens and sound systems, making home entertainment more enjoyable than before.
On the other hand
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,
cinemas
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 offer a unique atmosphere that cannot be recreated at home. Watching a movie on a giant screen with surround sound makes the experience more exciting and immersive.
Cinemas
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also
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 allow
people
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 to enjoy
films
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together with
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 friends, family, and large audiences, which increases emotional reactions
such
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 as laughter, suspense, and excitement.
Moreover
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, many action and
science-fiction
Correct your spelling
science fiction
films
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 are specially designed for
theater
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theatre
show examples
 viewing because their visual and sound effects are much more impressive on a large screen. In my opinion,
although
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 personal devices are more convenient,
cinemas
Use synonyms
 remain the best way to fully enjoy movies. The
overall
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 atmosphere and cinematic experience make
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
 more memorable and entertaining. In
conclus
Correct your spelling
conclusion

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task response
Finish your last line. The end is not complete, so the essay feels cut off.
task response
Make your opinion a little stronger and explain it more in the last body part.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your ideas, not only general points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'first', 'also', and 'as a result' to make the flow even smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are clear, but the final paragraph is too short because the conclusion is not finished.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas could be developed a bit more deeply so each main point feels fully supported.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic clearly.
task response
Your opinion is clear and easy to find.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear paragraph plan with an introduction and body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas move in a logical order and are easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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