IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last decade. What are the causes of this disturbing trend and how can the problem be reduced?

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The number of obese
children
Use synonyms
 in western communities has increase 20% in the
last
Linking Words
 decade because there is increase number of fast food , no outside playing of the
children
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
exercise
Change preposition
in exercise
show examples
 because technology
had taken place .
Punctuation problem
. Children
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 are using mobile phones
tablets
Correct word choice
and tablets
show examples
 for fun and
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
. Technology is increasing nowdays thats why people are busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 technology thats why
children
Use synonyms
areplaying
Correct your spelling
are playing
 outside. they
ewant
Correct your spelling
want
 to p;a

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task response
Answer both parts of the task. Write about causes and also say how to reduce the problem.
task response
Add one clear main idea in each paragraph and explain it more.
task response
Use simple examples, like eating fast food many times a week or spending many hours on a phone.
coherence cohesion
Write a clear start and a clear end.
coherence cohesion
Put ideas in order. First cause one, then cause two, then solutions.
coherence cohesion
Use easy linking words like first, also, because, so, and finally.
task response
You give some real causes, like fast food, less play, and more phone use.
task response
Your ideas are about the topic and are easy to see.
coherence cohesion
There is a basic line of ideas from cause to result.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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