IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurse, and teachers, who make greater contribution to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. to what extent do you agree or disagree

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Introduction
there has
Correct subject-verb agreement
There have
show examples
 been
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different views
whether
Change preposition
on whether
show examples
 professional workers should be paid more than
people
Use synonyms
 in the field of sports and entertainment
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
I believe that professional employers must gain more
due to
Linking Words
 their essential role in helping society.
Body · 1
On one hand, individuals who works in sports and entertaining have an impact on society by providing enjoyment and inspiration,
in other words
Linking Words
,they enhance the quality of living for
people
Use synonyms
,because doing something fun ,
such
Linking Words
 as tennis,football,or attending comedy shows, gives purpose for life and increase the level of happiness and without that inspiration life would feel boring and colorless,
however
Linking Words
, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 argument,
although
Linking Words
 these
people
Use synonyms
 are important,not everyone needs a totur or someone to teach in order to enjoy and get inspired.
Body · 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who works in the operational professions has a vital role in contibuting to society,for instence,qualified teachers can shape one's life by providing knowledge, and creates intrests that leads to future carrers,in addtion, doctors and
people
Use synonyms
 who works in the medical field are responsible for human wellness and
overall
Linking Words
 health,and in order to work as a healthcare provider you need to pass several tests.
Therefore
Linking Words
,I significantly agree with
this
Linking Words
 argument
due to
Linking Words
 the necessity of these workers.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clear benefits
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 workers in
entertaining
Replace the word
the entertainment
 section,the professional employees
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 humans in a direct way,
thus
Linking Words
 they are more important .

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how much you agree in the first paragraph and keep this same view in all body paragraphs.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support your ideas, such as a doctor saving lives or a teacher helping poor children get a better future.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain why sports and entertainment workers are less important for basic human needs.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer paragraphing. Keep one main idea in each body paragraph and do not mix support and disagreement too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some long sentences need full stops. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check singular and plural forms and word choice because small errors sometimes make your meaning less clear.
task response
You give a clear opinion that professional workers should be paid more.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You compare both sides of the topic, which helps answer the question.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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