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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people today are leaving the countryside and small towns and villages and moving to the big city. Give reasons why people are doing this and give some of the problems that this will cause.

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Introduction
Nowadays, modern life is an important requirement
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.Many
people
Use synonyms
 today are leaving the countryside and moving to the city.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 move and
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
show examples
 that will
Use synonyms
cause
Wrong verb form
be caused
show examples
.
Body · 1
Big
cities
Use synonyms
 now
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of all
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 needs.
First,
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work
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and companies are located in big
cities
Use synonyms
.
For
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this
Linking Words
 reason,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to live near
by them
Correct determiner usage
their
show examples
 work
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. Living nearby will offer them time and money.
Second,
Linking Words
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 are located in big
cities
Use synonyms
. Living around it makes reaching it
easley
Correct your spelling
easier
. Especially
this
Linking Words
 time, with fashion and clothes being important issues to most
people
Use synonyms
.
Theird
Correct your spelling
Third
, moving to
cities
Use synonyms
 keeps families together.
Non working
Correct your spelling
Non-working
 wives can easily
spends
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 more comfortable times with their working husbands.
In addition
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, parents can live with their working
childrens
Replace the word
children
.
Body · 2
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 move could
cause
Use synonyms
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
multiple problems. One of these problems is traffic congestion. Most workers
are using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 cars to reach their work. Those who do not have cars
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 depend on motorcycles or pikes, which
also
Linking Words
 may
cause
Use synonyms
 traffic or
accedents
Correct your spelling
accidents
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, as
more as
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 number increase,
environment
Replace the word
environmental
 pollution will increase too. Most of
transportation
Correct article usage
the transportation
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 use engens works on petrol or diesel.
In addition
Linking Words
, increasing the number of
people
Use synonyms
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
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 increasing household waste that
thrown
Verb problem
is thrown
show examples
 outside.
Finally
Linking Words
, moving to big
cities
Use synonyms
 may
cause
Use synonyms
loss
Correct article usage
a loss
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 of farming activities. Many countries depend on farming products as a main source of income. To others, farming is
one of
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 family
traditional
Replace the word
tradition
,
childrens
Check wording
children
show examples
 learn from it serval manners
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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patients
Check wording
patience
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 and
full
Wrong verb form
fill
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 their empty time with worthy activities.
Conclusion
In conclusion, on one hand, moving to big
cities
Use synonyms
 has reasonable and healthy causes
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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to
Change preposition
for
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 students and employees.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, it may
cause
Use synonyms
 unhealthy results, especially if
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 has been completely abandoned.

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task response
For task response, answer both parts in a more full way. You give reasons and problems, but some ideas are too short.
task response
For task response, add one clear and real example for a reason and one for a problem.
task response
For task response, explain ideas more. For example, say how city jobs give better pay, or how fewer farm workers can hurt food supply.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make your sentences simpler and cleaner. Some parts are hard to follow because of grammar mistakes.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use clear linking words like First, Second, Also, However, and As a result.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, keep one main idea in each paragraph and support it with 1 or 2 clear sentences.
task response
You answer both parts of the task: reasons for moving and problems caused by it.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic paragraphing and some linking words like First, Second, However, and Finally.
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