some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurse, and teachers, who make greater contribution to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. to what extent do you agree or disagree

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Introduction

Its

Correct your spelling

It's

true that whether nurses,

teachers

Use synonyms

, athletes and actors everyone needs money to

fullfill

Correct your spelling

fulfil

their life

dreames

Correct your spelling

dreams

However

Linking Words

, the question of who should get paid more

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

is a debatable matter. From my perspective,

professionalists

Replace the word

professionals

should gain more money because of the sacrifices they make,

although

Linking Words

the entertainment industry has a great impact on society.

Body · 1

Firstly

Linking Words

, sectors like medicine

takes

Correct subject-verb agreement

take

show examples

years of studying, because it handles lots of responsibility. Doctors and nurses give up their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, friends, family and social life to

survie

Correct your spelling

save

humanity.

For instance

Linking Words

, in 2019, during COVID, individuals

not

Verb problem

did not

show examples

thinking

Wrong verb form

think

show examples

twice

tiressly

Correct your spelling

and

took care of patients in the pandemic. By that, they saved millions of lives that were in danger.

Moreover

Linking Words

, medical

partitones

Correct your spelling

researchers

do daily research,

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

quite assists human lives.

Body · 2

In addition

Linking Words

Use synonyms

teachers

Check wording

teachers'

show examples

own knowledge that

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

passed by generations,

as well as

Linking Words

teachers

Use synonyms

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

the hidden gem behind each fruitful doctor , nurse and engineer. Apart from that, a balanced salary would help

encoreage

Verb problem

encourage

show examples

teachers

Use synonyms

to build advanced

pupiles

Correct your spelling

pupils

Nevertheless

Linking Words

its

Correct pronoun usage

it's

show examples

not an easy job, it

recuries alot

Correct your spelling

requires a lot

of work.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, actors and sports play an essential role in entertainment, that help with depression and anxiety. Apart from that ,

alot

Correct your spelling

a lot

of athletes get high-payments that don't match their talents and abilities.

Conclusion

To conclude

Linking Words

, professional workers deserve a handsome salary for their high achievements and work.

jmjk543

May 23, 2026

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task response

Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how much you agree, and keep this same view in all parts.

task response

Add one more clear idea about why sports and film workers are paid a lot. Then explain why you still agree or do not agree.

task response

Use more clear support for each main point. One strong example is better than many short points.

coherence and cohesion

Make each body part follow one main idea only. This will make your essay easier to follow.

coherence and cohesion

Link ideas with simple words like First, Also, However, and In conclusion. Use them in a careful way.

coherence and cohesion

Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. Some parts now jump too fast from one point to another.

task response

You give a clear opinion that professional workers should be paid more.

task response

You include an example about COVID, which helps support your point.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.

coherence and cohesion

You use paragraphing, and this helps the reader see your main parts.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

225 words

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some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurse, and teachers, who make greater contribution to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. to what extent do you agree or disagree

it is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples.

Some people believe that schools should focus more on practical subjects, such as information technology and business skills, while others argue that traditional subjects, like history and literature, are still important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services? Discuss the above and give your opinion using examples.