IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The diagram shows information about the amount of money spent on five consumer goods (cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras) in France and the UK in 2010.

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The bar graph below demonstrates the volume of money spent on five
costumer
Use the right word
consumer
show examples
goods
Use synonyms
 in
France
Use synonyms
 and the
UK
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 consume more cash on consumer
goods
Use synonyms
 than
Use synonyms
france
Fix capitalization
France
show examples
 over the period.The most cash spent
goods
Use synonyms
 field
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 Cars
And Computer
Check wording
and Computers
show examples
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
; however
show examples
 he least demanding field was perfume for both countries. In terms of cars,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
UK
Use synonyms
 spent more than
France
Use synonyms
 ,approximately 450000
pounds
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
France
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
stood at 400000
pound
Fix the agreement mistake
pounds
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.Regarding books,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
UK
Use synonyms
 spent approximately 4100000
pounds
Use synonyms
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
France
Use synonyms
 accounted for 300000
pounds
Use synonyms
. In terms of cameras,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
UK
Use synonyms
 spent approximately 350000
pounds
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was more than
France
Use synonyms
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the expenditure on remaining
goods
Use synonyms
 was higher in
France
Use synonyms
. Regarding computers,
France
Use synonyms
 spent above 350000
pounds
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was more than
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
UK
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 expenditure on Perfume was
also
Linking Words
 higher in
France
Use synonyms
, around 200000,
while
Linking Words
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
UK
Use synonyms
 spent under 150,000
pounds
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words goods, france, uk, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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