IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. Give reasons for your answer.

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Crimes nowadays
,
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apply
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being
Wrong verb form
are
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 one of the most important cases in the world. Especially after it has increased among
teenagers
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss some of the possible reasons and solutions that could help to control
this
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 problem. There are multiple reasons for the spread of crime among
teenagers
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. One of them, family
problems
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,
family
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apply
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problems
Use synonyms
 can affect the mental health of
Use synonyms
children's
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children
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 more than
parents
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' divorce. On the one hand, Families live together but show violence between
parents
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 every day.
On the other hand
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, divorced
parents
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 could have healthy bonds that can support their
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children's
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children
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.
Second,
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social
media
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 and movies that show the criminal as a hero sometimes. Social
media
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 shows the crime scene as a comedy subject that deserves laughing on it.
Moreover
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, movies often present the criminal as a handsome guy who deserves mercy.
Third,
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the mental disorders that
spread
Wrong verb form
are spreading
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 nowadays. Especially the disorders caused by drug addiction or hard life experiences.
In addition
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, some of the mental disorders are present from birth. In order to solve
this
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 problem, society and family must develop more solutions that positively affect
teenagers
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' mental health.
For example
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, forcing more regulation on social
media
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.
This
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 role should be shared by the government and
family
Correct article usage
the family
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. Because of the huge social
media
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 effects on
teenagers
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' manners.
Linking Words
However
Punctuation problem
However,
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 social
media
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 has a big role in
teenagers
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'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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,
family
Correct word choice
and family
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 always comes first
place
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apply
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in
teenagers
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'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
As
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 a result,
parents
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 must always show
positive
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positive,
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 lovely treat to each other in front of their
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children's
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children
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. Since
that
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apply
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the family is the main school that
teenagers
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 gain
emotion
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emotions
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 from
it
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apply
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.
Finaly
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Finally
, society must present the mental healthcare services to
children
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 from
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
birth. Starting from
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parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 training classes to regular
follow up
Correct your spelling
follow-up
 at schools. To avoid the mental
problems
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 that cause crime in the future. In conclusion,
crimes
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crime
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problems
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 can always be controlled if there is a strong
co
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cooperation
show examples
 between society and family. Without ignoring the role of the government in imposing stricter punishments
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 crimes.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You give reasons and solutions, but some ideas need more detail.
task response
Use clearer examples for each main point. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each sentence. Some sentences try to do too much.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some linking words are used, but a few are not natural.
coherence and cohesion
Make your topic sentences clearer at the start of each body paragraph.
task response
You answer both parts of the question: reasons and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
You group ideas into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow your essay.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime rate
  • teenager crime
  • bad influence
  • peer pressure
  • family care
  • clear rules
  • wrong choice
  • gang culture
  • feel accepted
  • illegal acts
  • lack of money
  • poor background
  • equal chances
  • safe activities
  • after-school programs
  • job training
  • community support
  • moral lessons
  • online violence
  • early help
  • stay on the right path
  • sense of purpose
  • turn to crime
  • prevent crime
  • solve the problem
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