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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. Give reasons for your answer.

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Introduction
Crimes nowadays
,
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apply
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being
Wrong verb form
are
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 one of the most important cases in the world. Especially after it has increased among
teenagers
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss some of the possible reasons and solutions that could help to control
this
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 problem.
Body · 1
There are multiple reasons for the spread of crime among
teenagers
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. One of them, family
problems
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,
family
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apply
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problems
Use synonyms
 can affect the mental health of
Use synonyms
children's
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children
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 more than
parents
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' divorce. On the one hand, Families live together but show violence between
parents
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 every day.
On the other hand
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, divorced
parents
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 could have healthy bonds that can support their
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children's
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children
show examples
.
Second,
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social
media
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 and movies that show the criminal as a hero sometimes. Social
media
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 shows the crime scene as a comedy subject that deserves laughing on it.
Moreover
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, movies often present the criminal as a handsome guy who deserves mercy.
Third,
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the mental disorders that
spread
Wrong verb form
are spreading
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 nowadays. Especially the disorders caused by drug addiction or hard life experiences.
In addition
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, some of the mental disorders are present from birth.
Body · 2
In order to solve
this
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 problem, society and family must develop more solutions that positively affect
teenagers
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' mental health.
For example
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, forcing more regulation on social
media
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.
This
Linking Words
 role should be shared by the government and
family
Correct article usage
the family
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. Because of the huge social
media
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 effects on
teenagers
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' manners.
Linking Words
However
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However,
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 social
media
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 has a big role in
teenagers
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'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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,
family
Correct word choice
and family
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 always comes first
place
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apply
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in
teenagers
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'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
In
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As
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 a result,
parents
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 must always show
positive
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positive,
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 lovely treat to each other in front of their
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children's
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children
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. Since
that
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apply
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the family is the main school that
teenagers
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 gain
emotion
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emotions
show examples
 from
it
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apply
show examples
.
Finaly
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Finally
, society must present the mental healthcare services to
children
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 from
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
birth. Starting from
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parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 training classes to regular
follow up
Correct your spelling
follow-up
 at schools. To avoid the mental
problems
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 that cause crime in the future.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
crimes
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crime
show examples
problems
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 can always be controlled if there is a strong
co
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cooperation
show examples
 between society and family. Without ignoring the role of the government in imposing stricter punishments
on
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for
show examples
 crimes.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly: reasons and solutions.
task response
Make each main idea clear with one simple example.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, because, so, and finally.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea, like family problems, too many times.
coherence and cohesion
Check if each sentence clearly connects to the one before it.
task response
You discuss both reasons and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Some causes are relevant, such as family problems and media influence.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime rate
  • teenager crime
  • bad influence
  • peer pressure
  • family care
  • clear rules
  • wrong choice
  • gang culture
  • feel accepted
  • illegal acts
  • lack of money
  • poor background
  • equal chances
  • safe activities
  • after-school programs
  • job training
  • community support
  • moral lessons
  • online violence
  • early help
  • stay on the right path
  • sense of purpose
  • turn to crime
  • prevent crime
  • solve the problem
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