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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Cutting down forests is a real environmental threat; yet, this is still happening at a great rate around the world. Why do you think forests are being destroyed? Are there any benefits from the destruction of forests?

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Introduction
Nowadays, the
disasters
Use synonyms
 caused by
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
forests
Use synonyms
remain happening
Wrong verb form
continue to happen
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because of the illegal logging of trees by
people
Use synonyms
. I highly agree that,
while
Linking Words
forests
Use synonyms
being
Verb problem
are being
show examples
mass
Rephrase
massively
show examples
 destroyed, the disadvantages always come to the
animals
Use synonyms
 and the
people
Use synonyms
 nearby
even
Punctuation problem
, even
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
 itself.
Body · 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, trees of each
country
Use synonyms
 are
essentials
Replace the word
essential
 because they can be living places for all the
Use synonyms
animals
Check wording
animal
show examples
 species. Seeking
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prey, animal breeding, and resting
place
Check wording
places
show examples
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 are
the example
Check wording
examples
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
what
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
doing everyday
Wrong verb form
do every day
show examples
, which
strongly
Verb problem
are strongly
show examples
 related to the existence of the trees.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, by preserving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
, our next generation will be able to understand the
animals
Use synonyms
 in their real
nature
Use synonyms
 world,
such
Linking Words
 as the
character
Check wording
characteristics
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
animals
Check wording
animal
show examples
 food, which are
herbivore
Fix the agreement mistake
herbivores
show examples
,
carnivore
Fix the agreement mistake
carnivores
show examples
, and
omnivore
Fix the agreement mistake
omnivores
show examples
.
Body · 2
However
Linking Words
, those advantages will be gone if the
people
Use synonyms
 illegally destroy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
 just for land moving or replant
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harmful plants for soil without considering the living
animals
Use synonyms
. If
this
Linking Words
 keeps happening, the
animals
Use synonyms
 will have
not any
Rephrase
no
show examples
 home, which eventually
the
Verb problem
leads to the
show examples
 distinction potentially
occurs
Wrong verb form
occurring
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
nature
Replace the word
natural
disasters
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as flood will
also
Linking Words
emerges
Wrong verb form
emerge
show examples
 because there is no
Use synonyms
nature absorbing
Replace the word
natural absorption
 mechanism
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 rainwater.
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
show examples
disasters
Use synonyms
 will
also
Linking Words
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to the destruction of living
people
Use synonyms
 nearby, who work and live by relying on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
 is actually essential for
animals
Use synonyms
, who live in the
forests
Use synonyms
, preventing
the distinction of them
Check wording
their extinction
show examples
. If
people
Use synonyms
 keep thinking that cutting down
forests
Use synonyms
 can develop the
country
Use synonyms
 of company, the
disasters
Use synonyms
 may
occurs
Wrong verb form
occur
show examples
 shortly to the
people
Use synonyms
 nearby and even the
country
Use synonyms
 itself.

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task response
Answer both questions more fully. You talk a lot about harm, but you do not clearly say why forests are cut down, and you do not discuss benefits in a fair way.
task response
Add clear reasons such as farming, wood for sale, roads, and new homes. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Give one or two real and clear examples. For example, say that land is cleared for palm oil, cattle, or roads.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a clear order, with opening, body, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some parts do not join well, and some long lines are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main idea in each body part, then explain it with one clear reason and one example.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
You stay on the main topic of forests and nature.
task response
You show a clear view that forest loss brings many bad results.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deforestation
  • agricultural expansion
  • commercial logging
  • urban sprawl
  • climate change
  • economic activity
  • infrastructure projects
  • sustainable development
  • environmental degradation
  • renewable resources
  • biodiversity loss
  • ecosystems
  • habitat destruction
  • conservation efforts
  • carbon footprint
  • afforestation
  • renewable resources
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