IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
The debate over the primary purpose of higher
education
Use synonyms
 features two distinct perspectives
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 one views it as a pragmatic tool for career advancement,
while
Linking Words
 the other
emphasizes
Change the spelling
emphasises
show examples
 its broader contributions to personal growth and societal development. In my opinion,
while
Linking Words
 the role of
universities
Use synonyms
 in boosting graduates’ employability is undeniable, these institutions achieve their highest value when operating as
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 for holistic
education
Use synonyms
 and scientific progress.
Body · 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
 economy, the core pillar of
universities
Use synonyms
 is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
preparing
employability
Check wording
students
show examples
 for
students
Check wording
employment
show examples
 to ensure secure financial
.
Check wording
outcomes.
show examples
This
Linking Words
 stems from the fact that
universities
Use synonyms
 act as a bridge between
theoretical
Correct article usage
the theoretical
show examples
 and
practical
Correct article usage
the practical
show examples
 market. If
universities
Use synonyms
 merely focus on
theoretical
Replace the word
theory
 without being interested in practical skills, leaving social degree inflation and underemployment
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a
scale
Correct word choice
large scale
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the booming of
short term
Correct your spelling
short-term
 courses about data analysis or programming at numerous
universities
Use synonyms
now
Verb problem
is now
show examples
by virtue
Check wording
a result
show examples
 of meeting the needs of
urgent
Correct article usage
the urgent
show examples
 recruitment market.
Consequently
Linking Words
, having students employed rankings serves as a measurement of the
Use synonyms
universities'
Check wording
university's
show examples
 success
that is
Linking Words
 completely reasonable.
Body · 2
That said, if higher
education
Use synonyms
 is seen as merely a means of providing degrees, compromise academic excellence since tertiary
education
Use synonyms
place
Correct subject-verb agreement
places
show examples
 a burden on
mission
Correct article usage
the mission
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a
nation
Replace the word
national
 scale.
In other words
Linking Words
, university environments play a decisive role in encouraging normal students
shift
Verb problem
to shift
show examples
 away from citizens' cognitive
independent
Replace the word
independence
 and awareness progress. In
term
Check wording
terms
show examples
 of society,
universities
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of
research scientific
Correct word order
scientific research
show examples
 where invented about healthcare, green energy or public policy, contributing to fostering social progress. To illustrate, the investment
of vaccine
Change preposition
in vaccines
show examples
 or renewable energy partly stems from
laboratory
Correct article usage
the laboratory
show examples
 of big
universities
Use synonyms
 before it
public announce
Wrong verb form
is publicly announced
show examples
 in the market.
Therefore
Linking Words
, higher
education
Use synonyms
 should be regarded as the symbol of knowledge and civilisation rather than a place
where
Change preposition
for
show examples
 providing degrees.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the pragmatic function of
universities
Use synonyms
 in enhancing employability and securing livelihoods is essential, it should not overshadow their grander mission. I am convinced that the ideal educational model is one that balances professional skill acquisition with academic enrichment, ensuring that
universities
Use synonyms
 continue to empower individuals and elevate society simultaneously.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear, but the first side needs a little more full support.
task response
Make your ideas easier to understand. Some parts are hard to follow because of wrong word use and grammar.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. Your examples are good in idea, but they need simpler and more exact support.
coherence and cohesion
Put your main idea at the start of each body paragraph, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'as a result' in a natural way.
coherence and cohesion
Check long sentences. Some are too long and break the flow, so your meaning becomes unclear.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion clearly in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You tried to support ideas with examples about short courses, vaccines, and green energy.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • higher education
  • employability
  • specialized knowledge
  • lifetime earnings
  • intellectual curiosity
  • personal growth
  • transferable skills
  • social mobility
  • cultural understanding
  • societal advancement
  • global challenges
  • diverse perspectives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: