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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Stress in the workplace has become a serious issue in many countries. What are the causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to address it.

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Introduction
It is irrefutable to state that the escalating level of stress experienced by professionals around the globe has become a critical concern.
This
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 phenomenon is primarily driven by excessive job demand and modern expectations of constant availability.
However
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,
this
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 growing crisis can be mitigated by implementing supportive organisational policies and adopting proactive personal strategies.
Body · 1
To begin
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 with, the foremost cause is that the
companies
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 put too much pressure on employees to finish the
work
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 under unrealistic deadlines. In the highly competitive global economy, many
companies
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 force their workers to
work
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 for longer hours and provide higher productivity within a specific timeline.
As a result
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, staff feel overwhelmed and chronically fatigued.
Secondly
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, the pervasive integration of technology into professional life has blurred the boundaries between
work
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 and personal
time
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.
For example
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, individuals use smartphones and messaging applications to send emails or complete simple tasks outside of their official hours.
Consequently
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, they hardly get any
time
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 to rest and relax.
Body · 2
To address their issue, both the employer and employees should take action to solve
this
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 problem. The departments should foster a positive and healthier
work
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 environment by setting realistic expectations and achievable deadlines. When
companies
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 provide flexible working hours, workers can better focus on their
work
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. Resultantly, it will improve the productivity of the organisation.
Moreover
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, employees should actively manage their personal and professional lives. They should learn to set boundaries between their personal and professional lives to make their life easier and more relaxed. If individuals could try to finish their
work
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 at the office, they would have more
time
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 for themselves and their loved ones.
For instance
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, staff can get more
time
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 to engage in regular exercise, meditation, hobbies, and spend some quality
time
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 with their family and friends.
Therefore
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, it will improve their mental health.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
companies
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 put pressure on their workers to improve the quality of their
work
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. But unfortunately, people do not feel comfortable working under stress, which significantly decreases productivity. So, it is very crucial to maintain a supportive
work
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 environment to protect the well-being of the workforce.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way in each body paragraph.
task response
Give one or two more clear and real examples to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Keep your main idea in each paragraph very clear from the first sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some words like 'Resultantly' sound less natural.
coherence and cohesion
Check pronouns and word choice so each sentence connects in a smooth way.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion match your main points more closely.
task response
You answer both the causes and the solutions.
task response
Your ideas are clear and easy to follow in most parts.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs well and the order of ideas is logical.
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