The charts below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 The charts below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000

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The diagrams compare the proportions of working
men
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and
women
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aged from 60 to 64 across four countries worldwide in two distinct years, 1970 and 2000. What stands out the most from the graphs is the stark contrast between
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men
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men's
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and
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women
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women's
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figures , as
women
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employees see small changes in percentages
while
Linking Words
men
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experience a
significant
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significantly
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larger gap between 1970 and 2000.
Firstly
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,
Australian
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Australians
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and Americans follow a similar trajectory but at a different level for both male and female;
women
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workers increase in proportion by 2 percentage points ,
while
Linking Words
men
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see a substantial drop from approximately 75 % to 47% for Australia and 55% for
USA
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the USA
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. Another considerable data is the dominance of Japan's rates for both genders in each of the years examined, with
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men employees share
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men's employees sharing
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that slightly
fall
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falls
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from 85% to 74% and
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women
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women's
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rates that remain stable at approximately 40%. With regard to
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men
Correct word choice
male
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rates, the biggest difference is notable in Belgium, as employment share in the age-range considered
plummet
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plummets
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from almost 80% to just under 20%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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