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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The tables give information about the temperatures and hours of daylight in London and Sydney during the same weekend in December 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The tables illustrate temperatures and hours of daylight across the
last
Linking Words
 weekend of the year in 2018, in two distinct metropolitan cities,
London
Use synonyms
 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
. Degrees are in Celsius. What stands out the most from the data is the difference in
temperature
Use synonyms
 between these two cities, as the weather is significantly warmer in
Sydney
Use synonyms
, peaking on
Sunday
Punctuation problem
Sunday,
show examples
 30th at 31
°C
Use synonyms
. With regard to the time of daylight, days in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 are much longer since the sun rises at a quarter before 6 A.
M
Use synonyms
. and the sunset is approximately at 8 P.
M
Use synonyms
. ,
while
Linking Words
 in
Use synonyms
london
Fix capitalization
London
show examples
 it rises just after 8 A.
M
Use synonyms
. and
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
show examples
 down before 4 P.
M
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
Temperatures
show examples
 in
London
Use synonyms
 are substantially colder than in
Sydney
Use synonyms
, plummeting
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
minimum
temperature
Use synonyms
 of 3
°C
Use synonyms
an
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 never exceeding a 15
°C
Use synonyms
 threshold, peaking at 13
°C
Use synonyms
 on Saturday 29th.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 it can be seen that
Use synonyms
temperature
Correct article usage
the temperature
show examples
 in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 experiences a larger variation throughout the day, showing a gap of approximately 10
°C
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 in
London
Use synonyms
 the gap is narrowed, standing in a range between 5
°C
Use synonyms
 and 10
°C
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words london, sydney, temperature, °c, m with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "rises" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • temperatures
  • hours of daylight
  • comparison
  • London
  • Sydney
  • December 2018
  • weekend
  • information
  • data
  • summarise
  • select
  • report
  • features
  • analysis
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