IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

For centuries, importants part of education have remained such as reading, writing, and maths. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skill be made as fourth skill to be added to the list. To what extent do you agree.

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Introduction
For many decades , reading , writing and mathematics
are
Wrong verb form
have been
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 the only three priorities of learning. Some people believe that with the advancement of
technology
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 and
introduction
Correct article usage
the introduction
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 of artificial intelligence,
computers
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 should be the fourth priority for the education system.
This
Linking Words
 aligns perfectly with my view because nowadays , all our
day to day
Correct your spelling
day-to-day
 problems can be solved online .
Body · 1
To begin
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 with , elderly people never had a chance to learn anything about
technology
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 because they did not need to . But ,
from
Change preposition
over
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 the
last
Linking Words
 20 years , the usage of
computers
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 risen
hundred
Correct article usage
a hundred
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 times more
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is why
,
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apply
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 our whole world exists on
computers
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. Since the older generation did not have access to
computers
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 ,
this
Linking Words
 sudden surge of
technology
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 has made their lives a bit hard .
For example
Linking Words
, I met an old lady who was shaking and confused because she did not know how to do an online payment for parking
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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that is
Linking Words
 actually just a daily life task that she could not do cause it involved
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computer
Correct article usage
a computer
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. If they were taught about
the
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apply
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computer
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 programming in
school
Punctuation problem
school,
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 she would have never had
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Body · 2
Secondly
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the rise of Artificial Intelligence usage , many people have successfully broken the system of nine to five and are making a huge amount of money because they know how to take advantage of
computer
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 systems and
its
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their
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 algorithms.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , the children should definitely know how to use
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computer
Correct article usage
a computer
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 from a very young age because they are the future of their country
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 if they are successful , so will be the nation .
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, if someone
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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 to live a better
life
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life,
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 they will have to study the
computer
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 because there are many different types of employment opportunities , it's an endless path .
Conclusion
To
summarize
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summarise
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,
computers
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 should definitely be an important part of
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 system
due to
Linking Words
 the rise in
technology
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 everyone should stay updated with the innovations so that they do not have to depend on others .

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how much you agree, and keep this clear in all body parts.
task response
Add one more clear reason about why computer skill should be a school subject. This will make your ideas feel more full.
task response
Explain your ideas with more care. Some points are too general, like money and success, so show how computer skill helps in real study or work.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences at the start of each body part. This helps the reader follow your main idea fast.
coherence and cohesion
Link some sentences more smoothly. At times, ideas jump too fast from old people to school children to jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Make pronouns and word forms more clear, for example 'computer skills' instead of 'the computer' or 'computer programming' when you mean basic use.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep the same side to the end.
task response
You include a real life example about the old lady. This helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words like 'To begin with', 'Secondly', and 'To summarize' to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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