There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Introduction
Globalisation has brought many benefits to the modern world.
Although
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,
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apply
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there are those who wish to stop its advancement.
This
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essay will first discuss
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those in agreement before turning to the other side. In my personal view,
i
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I
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fully stand with those who say that the
modernazation
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modernisation
of the human world has brought many advantages, but it does have a couple of downsides to it.
Body · 1
One
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of the
benifits
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benefits
is that everyone from all parts of the world can experience the diversity of cultures, and
its
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their
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similarities.
This
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is
due to
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the fact that many immigrants usually bring their culture with them, allowing many residents and tourists in major cities to experience it.
One
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clear example of
this
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happening is the
city
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of New
york
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York
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,
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that
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which
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is synonymous with its diversity of ethnicities. With both tourists and businesses wanting to fund
this
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city
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. that
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, which
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has majorly benefitted its economic value as a
city
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and its nation.
Body · 2
On the other hand
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,
one
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of the many
critisims
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criticisms
that globalisation has
,
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is that most cultures can get
dilueted
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diluted
and
ereased
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erased
, and
that is
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a problem many cities
recieve
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face
.
This
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is because when people migrate to another
nation
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nation,
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they might not want to
assimulate
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assimilate
with its culture,
thus
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leading to its death.
For instance
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, many residents of the
city
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of London complain that
their
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there
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is a lack of endorement to their
orignal
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original
culture.
Therefore
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, that was
one
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of the reasons that stopped its advancement in the first place.
Conclusion
In conclusion, globalisation has
benifited
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benefited
the general human populace, but it does have its disadvantages. And most of the
benifits
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benefits
far outweigh the downsides in my opinion.

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task response
Give a more clear answer to the question from the start. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain how and why globalisation helps or harms people.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more direct. Show how each example supports your point.
coherence and cohesion
Make your ideas easier to follow. Some parts jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way, such as 'first', 'however', 'for example', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. A few sentences do not link well and this makes the essay less smooth.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You use examples about New York and London to support your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • international trade
  • cultural homogenization
  • multinational corporations
  • sustainable development
  • economic disparities
  • technological advancement
  • cultural exchange
  • scrutinize
  • ethics
  • innovation
  • connectivity
  • protectionism
  • outsourcing
  • free market
  • trade liberalization
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