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Band 4.5

The teaching situation of teacher and students in a classroom will no longer exist by the year of 2050. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is argued that
face to face
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face-to-face
 teaching practise of
student
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 and teacher will no longer
exists
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exist
show examples
 in future.
Body · 1
technlogies has become
very
Rephrase
so
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 advanced that
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
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 could replace
teachers
Use synonyms
 in the
classroom
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.
both the
Correct determiner usage
Both
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 sides have their merits
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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i
Fix capitalization
I
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 partially agree with the statement.
Body · 2
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Nowadays
Fix capitalization
nowadays
show examples
 many people claim that the virtual platforms are better at teaching than
teachers
Use synonyms
 in school.
children
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Children
show examples
 prefer to learn their subject in visually pleasing ways
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as through video and quiz games
rather
Punctuation problem
, rather
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 than listening to
long duration
Correct your spelling
long-duration
 essays.
to
Fix capitalization
To
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 exemplify,
students
Use synonyms
 can understand the physics subjects better by watching
video
Correct article usage
a video
show examples
 which
help to
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helps
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 them to imagine
about
Change preposition
apply
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the concepts
but
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, but
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 it is not possible
while
Linking Words
 learning through black board.
In addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
, learning through virtual platforms
is
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apply
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not only
help
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helps
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 the
student
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 to grasp the concepts faster but
also
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 it in entertaning way
like
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, like
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 games or puzzles.
thus
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 it is possible for technology to replace
teachers
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 in
context
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the context
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 of teaching.
Body · 3
Linking Words
however
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However
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, computers can not provide emotional support to the
students
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.
teacher
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Teachers
show examples
 are very good at identifying
stregth
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strengths
 and weaknesses of every
student
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 in their
classroom
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 computers are unlikely to find.They motivate the
students
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 to
better
Verb problem
perform better
show examples
 in
exam
Check wording
exams
show examples
 when
students
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 are not confident.
Linking Words
for
Fix capitalization
For
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 example, if a
student
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feel
Correct subject-verb agreement
feels
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 depressed about
exam
Correct article usage
an exam
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 ,
teachers
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 can encourage the
student
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 by giving practise drills to score good grades.
Linking Words
therefore
Fix capitalization
Therefore
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,
technolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 can
complemented with
Wrong verb form
complement
show examples
 teaching but can not
repalce
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replace
 the
teachers
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 in
Use synonyms
classroom
Correct article usage
the classroom
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both
the side
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sides
show examples
 have their merits
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as easy
undersatanding
Correct your spelling
understanding
 of concepts and providing emotional support to studentd but they can only complement each other rather than replacing
teaching
Correct article usage
the teaching
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 situation of
teacher
Correct article usage
the teacher
show examples
 and
student
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 in
Use synonyms
classroom
Correct article usage
the classroom
show examples
.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how much you agree or disagree in the first part, and keep this same idea through the essay.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Some points are good, but they need a little more explanation.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more specific. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences more clear at the start of each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some sentences jump too fast from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph order and sentence order. A few parts are hard to follow because of grammar and word form problems.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas, such as videos for physics and teacher support before exams.
coherence and cohesion
Basic linking words like 'To begin with', 'however', and 'In conclusion' help the reader follow your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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