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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some think that the best way to stay fit is to join gym. while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is enough. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 say that the best
way
Use synonyms
 to stay in
shape
Use synonyms
 is to join
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 others believe doing
everyday
Correct article usage
an everyday
show examples
 workout
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example, walking and going
downward
Rephrase
up
show examples
 and
upward
Change preposition
down
show examples
stairs
Punctuation problem
stairs,
show examples
 is adequate. I will discuss both views
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 give my opinion in conclusion. But,
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
 lifestyle
ensure
Correct subject-verb agreement
ensures
show examples
people
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not lose
weight
Use synonyms
 only,
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
, they lose
weight
Use synonyms
, and gain muscles to compensate
their
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 fat
losing
Replace the word
loss
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Change preposition
of
show examples
gym
Use synonyms
 weights.
Body · 1
On the one hand, some housewives have a lot of responsibilities, so
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they spend much of their
times
Check wording
time
show examples
 cleaning or cooking and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 help their children
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
studying
Replace the word
studies
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they do not have
time
Use synonyms
 to go out for
exercising
Replace the word
exercise
. When
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 much of their
time
Use synonyms
 are home
staying
Verb problem
apply
show examples
, because
these
Change preposition
of these
show examples
 tasks. So, these
women
Check wording
women's
show examples
weight
Use synonyms
 may increase
during the
Change preposition
over
show examples
time
Use synonyms
. In these cases, they can help themselves to stay in
shape
Use synonyms
 for makeing specific
time
Use synonyms
 in their day for working out.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can utilise their stairs for climbing
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
up and down for half an hour.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 their
homes
Check wording
home
show examples
 yards
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 can run for an hour or less
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. If they do these as habits progressively, they might lose a lot of calories per day. So they do not
to destruct
Wrong verb form
destroy
show examples
 themselves far from their home tasks.
Also
Linking Words
, they can stay
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same
weight
Use synonyms
 with these habits.
Body · 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, sometimes
people
Use synonyms
 work in their homes much of their
time
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as freelance jobs
include
Correct pronoun usage
that include
show examples
 computer
programings
Replace the word
programming
. Those
people
Use synonyms
 can
stay
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work for 9 hours, so
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they sometimes eat as a fun habit. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 food and drinks can entertain them during their work times.
Besides
Linking Words
, they may not do much
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical effort during their day.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can gain unhealthy
weight
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and fats. After they
relaizing
Correct your spelling
realise
this
Linking Words
, they can search for home
exericises
Correct your spelling
exercises
,
then
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they lose only
weight
Use synonyms
 in inhealthy
way
Use synonyms
 or maybe fast with some strict diets and
exericises
Correct your spelling
exercises
. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, their bodies can change for skinny
shape
Use synonyms
. Other times, they can still have unchanged fats, because of how fast they
losing
Verb problem
are losing
show examples
 their
weight
Use synonyms
. Unlike, if they go to
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
, they might have a diet plan with experts
know
Correct pronoun usage
who know
show examples
 their
bodies
Check wording
body
show examples
 dynamics
exatcly
Correct your spelling
exactly
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
gym
Use synonyms
 exercises and diets can ensure their bodies lose
weight
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right
way
Use synonyms
. When
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
gym
Use synonyms
 weights play
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
 role in
this
Linking Words
 for exchange
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
fats
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 muscles during their diets. So, they can reach their
shape
Use synonyms
 target in
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
way
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
, without any side effects.
Conclusion
In conclusion, A lot of cases may convince them to
workout
Replace the word
work out
 in their homes. But the outcome can be unhealthy. Unlike
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
gym
Use synonyms
weight
Use synonyms
 exercising
when
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, it makes
people
Use synonyms
 compensate
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
weight
Use synonyms
losing
Replace the word
loss
 with muscles. So it is
more healthy
Replace the word
healthier
 to gain
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 and healthy
shape
Use synonyms
. And,
this
Linking Words
 is my opinion.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why daily activity is enough for some people, and why the gym is better for others.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way in the introduction and keep it the same through the essay.
task response
Use examples that are short and clear. Some examples are good, but some parts are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Use words like first, also, however, so, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many commas. Shorter sentences will make your meaning clearer.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion at the end.
task response
You used examples about housewives and people who work from home.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraph order is clear: one side, then the other side.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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