IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that government should ban dangerous sports while others think people should have freedom to do anysports or activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Introduction
In the past few years, there has been an increase in the proportion of
people
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 participating in dangerous
sports
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. Some individuals opine that the government should ban these hazardous activities
;
Punctuation problem
,
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whereas
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,
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apply
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 others believe that they should have the right to participate in any sport.
This
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 essay will discuss both arguments and conclude with my personal opinion.
Body · 1
On one side of the argument,
people
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 say dangerous
sports
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 should be banned , and there are several reasons to support
this
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.
Firstly
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, these activities result in a high count of injuries and deaths. They should be considered as violent.
Moreover
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,
this
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 can influence the audience and encourage them to do the same.
For instance
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, children look up to the athletes as their role models and aspire to follow in their footsteps.
Body · 2
In addition
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, it can be said that watching
this
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 affects viewers’ behaviour and growth.
For example
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, when children observe their peers engaging in violent
sports
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, they would automatically assume that it is a normal act and it might become a part of their daily life without realising that their actions could harm others around them. There have been several cases where children wrestle violently with their friends , causing injuries to themselves.
Body · 3
On the other hand
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,
people
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 say they have the freedom to engage in any
sports
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 they like.
This
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 is factual and a human right , as they have the freedom to do so. Those who like the adrenaline and dopamine to participate in
sports
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 like sky diving should not be restricted from playing them; rather, the athletes should not be forced to play golf, which may not be their strong suit.
Body · 4
Moreover
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, dangerous is subjective in perspective; what one person finds harmful, another person may consider it as fun and safe. To illustrate,
people
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 who are scared of heights will find activities like parachuting or paragliding very unsafe,
while
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 others could find these interesting and fun.
Conclusion
From my perspective,
people
Use synonyms
 are entitled to their own opinions.
Therefore
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, if viewpoints don’t align, the solution should not be the government banning the sport. Everyone deserves the right to choose their own way of life , including the
sports
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 they would want to engage in. What seems dangerous for one may be a piece of cake for the other.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main view more clear in each body part.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, so ideas flow in a smooth way.
task achievement
Add one or two more clear examples to fully support your points.
task achievement
Explain why each point matters, not only what it is.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
task achievement
You discuss both sides and give your opinion.
task achievement
Some examples are relevant to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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