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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the best option is to accept a difficult situation, such as having a job they do not enjoy or not having enough money. Others believe it is better to try to make such situations better. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
It is often argued by some
people
Use synonyms
 that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the way
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 handle
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
difficult situation that can be having a
job
Use synonyms
 without enough salary or
unsatisfied
Replace the word
unsatisfying
 work, is acceptance,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others think that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who are in trouble
,
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apply
show examples
 should try to improve that issue until it becomes better. From my perspective,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 try to do their best to get what they want.
Body · 1
On the one hand, finding a
job
Use synonyms
 is getting harder nowadays, because of that so many
people
Use synonyms
 are
scary
Correct word choice
scared
show examples
 about taking a risk to find another one.
It is clear that
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,
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apply
show examples
 there are not so many options for some
people
Use synonyms
 who are not qualified with a
uiversity
Correct your spelling
university
 degree.
For example
Linking Words
, some of
assistants
Correct article usage
the assistants
show examples
 stayed
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 position
Linking Words
due to
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 they
had
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not
a
Verb problem
have a
show examples
diploma.
Body · 2
On the one hand,
although
Linking Words
 the university degree gives an ample amount of opportunity,
people
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could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
what
Verb problem
know what
show examples
 quality brings if they do not
event
Use the right word
even
show examples
 try it. To give an example, the old woman who worked in my office to
service for
Replace the word
serve
 clients, always
look
Wrong verb form
looked
show examples
 for a
job
Use synonyms
 because her salary
does
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not allow
to
Correct pronoun usage
her to
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 look after her family. After 5 or 10 days, she got confirmation from the work, even though she was
elder
Correct word choice
older
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
has
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not
got
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a degree, she never
give
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
 up,
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end
she
Punctuation problem
, she
show examples
 won what she
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
.
Body · 3
I believe that
,
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apply
show examples
 every trouble situation can be
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
 if we try to get better
ones
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ones,
show examples
 even
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
 can be hard to find
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, some qualifications can bring some valuable outcomes
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such
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, such
show examples
 as creating
network
Correct article usage
a network
show examples
 to find a better
job
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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, it can
be takes a
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 time
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 we need to at least give
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 chance to get what we deserve.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Say why some people accept a hard life, and why others try to change it.
task response
Give your own view in a clear way and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Add one more clear reason for each main idea, then explain it with a short example.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more correct way. For example, use 'On the other hand' for the second side, not 'On the one hand' again.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence easier to follow. Some parts are hard to understand because the word order is not clear.
task response
You answered the topic and wrote about both views.
task response
You gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used a real life example to support your idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • accept
  • difficult
  • situation
  • job
  • money
  • option
  • view
  • discuss
  • own
  • opinion
  • better
  • improve
  • change
  • plan
  • goal
  • effort
  • risk
  • skill
  • learn
  • life
  • work
  • future
  • save
  • decide
  • problem
  • help
  • step
  • stay
  • move
  • balance
  • decision
  • support
  • hope
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