IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Compare the advantages and disadvantages of books, radio and television as media for communicating information. State which you consider to be the most effective.

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Introduction
Advancement in
communication
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 technology has
transformes
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transformed
 human lives significantly by
transfering
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transferring
information
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 to people in an instant, yet these technologies have some comparable benefits and downsides.
Linking Words
this
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This
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 essay will compare both
the
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apply
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sides and state the most effective for communicating
information
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.
Body · 1
Information
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 technologies
has
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have
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 significant importance in exchanging
information
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 among people.
Books
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 are the most
infomative
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informative
 among all the
communication
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 systems as they provide deep insights about the
information
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 and they can be preserved for centuries
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 radio and television have
broder
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broader
 reach among the audiences.
Linking Words
for
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For
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 example, many researchers and
scientist
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scientists
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 still
prefers
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prefer
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 to document their works in
books
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 rather than creating
recording
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recordings
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 because they can be altered by others.
In addition
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 to
this
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, radio and
televesion
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television
 not only reach
broder
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broader
 audiences but
also
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 they can
deleiver
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deliver
 the messages in
split
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a split
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 second of time.
Body · 2
There are
few
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a few
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 downsides to
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this
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these
show examples
communication
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 systems,
Linking Words
firstly
Punctuation problem
firstly,
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books
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 are fragile, they are damaged easily by natural disasters or by insects and
also
Linking Words
 takes lot of space for storing them.
Secondly
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, radio signals are
suseptable
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susceptible
 to change during bad wheather which causes audio errors and
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Lastly
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lastly
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, Televisions can be expensive and still many people can not afford
it
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them
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 and pay
subcriptions
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subscriptions
 every month.
Conclusion
In conclusion, in my view i consider
books
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 as most effective because
of
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apply
show examples
the detailed and easy access to
information
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 provided by
books
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 outweighs
the
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apply
show examples
other
communication
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 systems for exchanging
information
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.

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task response
Answer all parts in a more clear way. Compare books, radio, and television more evenly, and explain why one is best with stronger reasons.
task response
Use more specific examples. One example is given, but it is not fully clear or strong.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Some points are good, but they are short and need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. But some linking is weak, and some sentences do not flow well.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas more carefully. For example, keep all advantages together and make a more direct comparison between the three media.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connections and word form. Small errors make the message less smooth to read.
task response
You answered the main question and gave your opinion in the end.
task response
You included both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is clear, and the order is easy to follow in general.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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