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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The pie charts illustrate the amount of
electricity
Use synonyms
 generated from all sources and renewable resources in
Germany
Use synonyms
 and
France
Use synonyms
 in 2009. The two nations
displyed
Correct your spelling
displayed
 markedly different patterns, with
convenentional
Correct your spelling
conventional
 thermal
power
Use synonyms
 dominating in
Germany
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Nuclear energy was the
prinmary
Correct your spelling
primary
 source in
France
Use synonyms
. One of the most prominent
feature
Fix the agreement mistake
features
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 data is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the total
electricity
Use synonyms
 production in
Germany
Use synonyms
 was 50
Billion KWh
Fix capitalization
billion kWh
show examples
 higher than
of
Correct pronoun usage
that of
show examples
France
Use synonyms
. Conventional thermal
power
Use synonyms
 accounted for over half of
electricity
Use synonyms
 generation in
Germany
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 nuclear
power
Use synonyms
repersented
Correct your spelling
represented
 more than three quarters in
France
Use synonyms
. One major
similar
Replace the word
similarity
 between these two countries is that the proportion of renewable
power
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 ranged
apporximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 13 to 17%. When it comes to renewable
power
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, it is evident that hydroelectric shared over
four fifths
Correct your spelling
four-fifths
 of renewable
electricity
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 generation in
France
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, which was the highest among all the renewables.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in
Germany
Use synonyms
 Biomass and wind contributed each about 40%, followed by hydroelectricity
comprised
Correct pronoun usage
, which comprised
show examples
 17.7%.
Linking Words
Conversely
Punctuation problem
Conversely,
show examples
 in
France
Use synonyms
, wind and biomass made up rougly 10% and 8% respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, the proportion of solar
power
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 was negligible in both
two
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
nations.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, germany, france, power with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • electricity generation
  • renewable sources
  • conventional thermal
  • nuclear power
  • hydroelectric power
  • biomass
  • wind energy
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • significant
  • contributor
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