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Writing Samples
Band 5

University students always focus on one specialist subject, but some people think universities should encourage their students to study a range of subjects in addition to their own subject. To what extent do you agree

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Introduction
It is often debated
that
Correct word choice
whether
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university
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students
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to
Verb problem
should
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 focus on
core
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subjects
Use synonyms
 or
to focus
Verb problem
apply
show examples
on
broder
Correct your spelling
broader
subjects
Use synonyms
 for
well rounded
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well-rounded
knowledge
Use synonyms
. I agree with the latter proposition
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate the
resaon
Correct your spelling
reason
 for my support.
Body · 1
In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary epoch, companies
prefers
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefer
show examples
 to employ
candiates
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candidates
 with
well rounded
Correct your spelling
well-rounded
knowledge
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,
this
Linking Words
 is because of broder
range
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 of projects requires skills from various areas. To expound, when a degree earner
study
Correct subject-verb agreement
studies
show examples
subjects
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 from other field they will get more
oppourtunities
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opportunities
 to link their
knowledge
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 to
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core
Correct article usage
the core
show examples
 field,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will eventually
helps
Wrong verb form
help
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 them to
standout
Verb problem
stand out
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 from
other
Replace the word
others
 in the eyes
recruiters
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of recruiters
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, companies like google hires develepers who have
overall
Linking Words
knowledge
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 in computer science rather than hiring
developer
Fix the agreement mistake
developers
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 who
speacialize
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specialise
 in
single
Correct article usage
a single
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 role.
Thus
Linking Words
 learning
range
Use synonyms
 of
subjects
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 in
university
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provide
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provides
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knowledge
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 and
opputunities
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opportunities
 from various fields.
Body · 2
Learning
range
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 of
subjects
Use synonyms
 helps
students
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 to explore their
intrest
Correct your spelling
interests
. There are several new
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 that
are
Wrong verb form
have been
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 added to the colleges
than in
Change preposition
compared to
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 the past
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 many degree earners enrolled
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in the
university
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 without proper
knowledge
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 of these courses. The
flexibity
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flexibility
 of learning other
subjects
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 than the
core
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curriculumn
Correct your spelling
curriculum
 helps them to
dicover
Correct your spelling
discover
 their
intrest
Correct your spelling
interest
 in other fields.
For instance
Linking Words
, a computer science
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students
Fix the agreement mistake
student
show examples
 learning about
softwares
Check wording
software
show examples
 can study
about the
Change preposition
apply
show examples
chip design from
electronics
Correct article usage
the electronics
show examples
 department.
Therefore
Linking Words
 , the
flexbitility
Correct your spelling
flexibility
 of
curriculum
Correct article usage
the curriculum
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 significant for college goers to
dicover
Correct your spelling
discover
 their areas of intrest which is not possible in singlely focused curriculum.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
Learnig
Correct your spelling
Learning
 about
broder
Correct your spelling
broader
 subject areas gives flexibility,
Use synonyms
range
Correct article usage
a range
show examples
 of opportunities and well rounded knowlege. I think these
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
aspects are vital for
university
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students
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is unlikely for
students
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reap
Verb problem
to reap
show examples
 these benefits from
core
Use synonyms
 focused curriculum.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Say clearly why you agree, not only what is good.
task response
Add one or two more clear and real examples. Your Google example is useful, but it needs more detail.
task response
Explain ideas a bit more. Some points are good, but they are not fully developed.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'also', 'because', 'for this reason', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some sentences are hard to follow because the grammar affects the flow.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep this opinion to the end.
task response
You cover two main reasons for your view: jobs and finding interest.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples to support your ideas, which helps the reader follow your points.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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