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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows transport preferences among young people in four countries in a single year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar chart compares the transport preferences of young people in four countries (Great
Britain
Use synonyms
, the
USA
Use synonyms
, Germany, and France). It shows three types of transport
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
,
motorcycles
Use synonyms
, and
bicycles
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
cars
Use synonyms
 are the most popular choice for young people in Great
Britain
Use synonyms
, the
USA
Use synonyms
, and France,
Linking Words
While
Fix capitalization
while
show examples
bicycles
Use synonyms
 are more popular than
cars
Use synonyms
 in Germany.
In addition
Linking Words
,
motorcycles
Use synonyms
 are less popular in all four countries. In Great
Britain
Use synonyms
 and the
USA
Use synonyms
, the percentage of young people who prefer
cars
Use synonyms
 is the same at 60%.
However
Linking Words
, in the
USA
Use synonyms
,
motorcycles
Use synonyms
 are chosen by 30%, which is higher than in Great
Britain
Use synonyms
at
Correct word choice
, where
show examples
 only 10%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
bicycles
Use synonyms
 are more popular in Great
Britain
Use synonyms
 at 30%, compared to just 10% in the
USA
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Germany shows a different trend.
Bicycles
Use synonyms
 are the top choice at 45%,
while
Linking Words
cars
Use synonyms
 are at 40%, and
motorcycles
Use synonyms
 are the lowest at 15%.
Finally
Linking Words
, France peaks at 75% for
cars
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
bicycles
Use synonyms
 are at 15% and
motorcycles
Use synonyms
 are at 10%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words britain, usa, cars, motorcycles, bicycles with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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