IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the future all cars ,busses will be driverless.The only people travelling will be passengers.Do you think the advantages will outweigh the disadvantages?

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Public transportation
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as a
bus
Punctuation problem
bus,
show examples
 can be driverless
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in the future. And the only
people
Use synonyms
 travelling will not be drivers but passengers.
This
Linking Words
 can decrease the
accident
Check wording
accidents
show examples
 that happen because of the speed and the
driver
Check wording
driver's
show examples
 fault.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, more
systimatic
Correct your spelling
systematic
 roads
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can have a great impact on
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 work and life. So I think the advantages are greater than the disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a
lot
Use synonyms
 of accidents happen because drivers
hurrying
Verb problem
are hurrying
show examples
,
other
Correct word choice
and other
show examples
 times they do not pay attention to the road. But, the authorities announce
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the new
vehicles
Use synonyms
 without drivers,
also
Linking Words
 have a
one
Correct word choice
single
show examples
 programming
system
Use synonyms
. These
vehicles
Use synonyms
 drive themselves by
artifictial
Correct your spelling
artificial
 program. So,
people
Use synonyms
 who go
on hurry
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to their companies
everyday
Rephrase
every day
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,
then
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they face a delay because of
traffic
Correct article usage
a traffic
show examples
 jam. But
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 development can ensure that all
vehicles
Use synonyms
 on
roads
Correct article usage
the roads
show examples
 have the same
system
Use synonyms
. So there is no chance
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 gathering a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
cars
Use synonyms
 at the same time. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the identical
system
Use synonyms
 can instruct them for the
numbers
Check wording
number
show examples
 of the same
cars
Use synonyms
 on each road.
Then
Linking Words
, workers can catch these
artifecial
Correct your spelling
artificial
cars
Use synonyms
 without worrying
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 delaying or traffic on roads. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result of the improvement
Rephrase
apply
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also
Linking Words
, a
lot
Use synonyms
 of empty spaces
, streets can have
Correct word order
can be found on streets
show examples
.
when
Fix capitalization
When
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 these machines can find suitable parking spaces. Even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
 connects all
cars
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
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 each other. If someone attempts to hack
this
Linking Words
 program,
he
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 can have access
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all the
vehicles
Use synonyms
. So, he can stop them altogether, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their information and their locations. Especially
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 important and famous
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
use these
cars
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
this someone
Correct pronoun usage
Someone
show examples
 can kidnap those
people
Use synonyms
 easily. So
this
Linking Words
 can carry some insecurity and danger
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 lives. But the companies can make indivdual
system
Use synonyms
 for all
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 to avoid
occur
Verb problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in the future.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 development can ensure
people
Use synonyms
 can reach their destination without
delaying
Replace the word
delay
 or traffic
jam
Check wording
jams
show examples
.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 can have a good impact on
people
Use synonyms
's lives,
also
Linking Words
instead
Linking Words
 of random parking, these
cars
Use synonyms
 can find
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suitable places for parking themselves. So, a
lot
Use synonyms
 of empty places can be found in streets. All
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 positive points outweigh the disadvantages, surely.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Show why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas. One body part can be about safety and traffic, and one body part can be about risk from hacking.
task response
Add one or two simple and real examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Do not use too many short link words like 'So', 'But', and 'Then'.
coherence and cohesion
Check if each sentence connects clearly to the one before it. Some parts are hard to follow now.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion that the advantages are greater.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You include both advantages and disadvantages, which helps cover the task.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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