IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is better for students to live away from home while studying at university than to live with parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many college students choose to live in university accommodation
,
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apply
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 or share flats with friends. In my opinion, it shows that they have reached adulthood,
although
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 they find it difficult to keep in touch with their
parents
Use synonyms
 every day.One benefit of leaving home to live alone is that young people can develop independence. They are able to learn some life skills,
such
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 as doing housework, financial management and handling relationship issues with roommates. With those skills, they find it easier to deal with work.
For example
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, they are able to get everything well organised
,
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 if they have the habit of keeping rooms tidy.
In addition
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, it is possible for university students to enjoy more freedom in society
,
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apply
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 and make more friends. They do not need to go home every day, so they have adequate time for different activities. They can go to the gym with other students, go to lectures, finish assignments in the library, and even do part-time jobs together.
In addition
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 to improving social skills, they
also
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 have more personal resources to draw upon in the future.One drawback is that children can hardly connect with their
parents
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and
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, and
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 their family
tie
Fix the agreement mistake
ties
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 can be weakened. They hardly eat meals with
Use synonyms
parents
Correct determiner usage
their parents
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so
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, so
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 they are not aware of recent news about their family.
As a consequence
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, they are sometimes likely to feel helpless
,
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 if some problems are unsolved.
This
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 can have a negative effect on their attitudes towards their family life.
To sum up
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, it is a good choice for young people to live without
parents
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,
although
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 the choice can have a huge impact on their family life.

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task response
Say your main view more clearly in the first part. The question asks 'to what extent', so you should clearly say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree.
task response
Add a more direct answer to the other side. You talk about one bad point, but you should show more clearly why your view is stronger.
task response
Use more specific examples. Your example about keeping a room tidy is simple, but it does not fully show why living away from home is better for study.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. This is good. To improve more, make each main idea link more directly to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too close together without enough help from linking words. Add simple words like 'First', 'Also', 'However', and 'As a result' in the best places.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas need more support. For example, the point about family ties is clear, but it needs one more short example or explanation.
task response
You answer the topic and give both good and bad sides of living away from home.
task response
Your ideas are clear most of the time, and the reader can understand your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • social networks
  • time management
  • budgeting skills
  • homesickness
  • financial costs
  • emotional support
  • alleviate stress
  • household responsibilities
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