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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think schools should only teach students academic subjects. Others think schools should also teach students how to discriminate between right and wrong. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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One primary function of schools is to help young
people
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 to acquire knowledge of different
subjects
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,
such
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 as literature and maths. I,
however
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, believe that schools should
also
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 teach them the distinction between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. Many teachers give priority to academic
subjects
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, which are vitally important for the job prospects of young
people
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. Technology has advanced so rapidly that only students who have an in-depth knowledge of some
subjects
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 are capable of handling professional jobs.
For example
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, they need to attend courses and pass exams in core
subjects
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such
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 as mathematics and coding if they plan to work as programmers. As
such
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, every student should devote most of their valuable study time to academic tasks, rather than courses that teach how to distinguish between right and wrong.
On the other hand
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, opponents would argue that exceptional performance in academic
subjects
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 does not guarantee career achievements in the future if students do not know the boundaries of behaviour. If they are not aware of behavioural norms,
such
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 as using polite language in social or formal settings, they cannot get along well with others easily. Once they embark on a career, they will find that they cannot get along well with colleagues and supervisors. Without support from others, they are unlikely to perform well in their jobs, primarily because tasks in modern times are increasingly complex and cannot be carried out by anyone alone. In my opinion, teachers should teach lessons about how to tell right from wrong since students without
this
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 ability can make wrong judgments that ruin their careers. There are numerous ethical dilemmas in their professional lives
they
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that they
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 need to address.
For example
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, they may face the temptation to exaggerate their job history to win a job offer or to make false claims about the products of their companies to strike a deal with clients. Taking ethically wrong options could damage their reputation or even put them in prison, so ethics and similar courses should be included in
school
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the school
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 curriculum. In conclusion,
while
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 I understand that some
people
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 lay emphasis on academic
subjects
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, I would argue that teaching young
people
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 to discriminate between right and wrong is
also
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 part of the responsibility of teachers.

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task response
For task response, your answer covers both sides and your own view. To get a higher score, make your own view a bit stronger from the start and keep it very clear in each body part.
task response
For task response, your ideas are clear, but some points could be more fully explained. Add one more short reason or one more direct result in each body part.
task response
For task response, your examples are good and fit the topic. To improve, make at least one example more real and more exact.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear shape with an opening, two main body parts, and an ending. This helps the reader follow your line of thought well.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, links between ideas are mostly smooth. To do even better, avoid repeating the same idea words too much, such as 'cannot get along well'.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each body part stays on one main idea and supports it well. A few sentences could be shorter and simpler so the flow feels even more natural.
task response
Task response: You answer all parts of the question and give your own opinion clearly.
task response
Task response: Your reasons are relevant and easy to understand.
task response
Task response: The example about work life and ethics fits your main point well.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay is well organized and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your opening and ending match each other well.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use clear link words like 'On the other hand', 'For example', and 'In conclusion'.
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