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Writing Samples
Band 5

Young children should be punished in the same way as adults if they commit a serious crime (such as a violent attack or a robbery). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There are arguments about whether young culprits should be punished the same way as adult criminals because there are several serious cases committed by minors. Personally, I generally disagree that they deserve identical punishment since young children do not have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 level of maturity and equal judgement like adults.
However
Linking Words
, some exceptions of older minors who have full awareness of their actions and consequences
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 should be considered as well. I disagree that kids who committed crimes should be served the same
severity
Replace the word
severe
 punishment as adults. Children under
the
Correct article usage
a
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 certain age are considered adolescents because they are not fully
developed maturity
Replace the word
mature
 and cannot exercise sound judgment yet.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, they usually imitate their closest guardians, and evidently would respond to the stimuli exactly how their parents would do. In
this
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 case, I think rehabilitation
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 more effective to correct any inappropriate
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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.
However
Linking Words
, there are exceptions that I insist have to be considered. A number of older adolescents could have
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 mature sense of causes and effects. Some older teenagers could commit serious crimes knowing that they will not be punished as severely as adult culprits. These young criminals are well-aware of
this
Linking Words
 loophole, and some abused it, because a 7-year-old and a 17-year-old fall in the same term of
under age
Correct your spelling
underage
. In conclusion, I do not think that it is proper to punish juvenile offenders the same way as adult offenders. Yet, if a certain juvenile could be able to think and commit
crime
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a crime
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 like
an
Correct article usage
a
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 fully grown individual, having full awareness of their action, their punishment should be as severe.

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task response
Make your main view even more clear from start to end. You mostly disagree, so keep this line very clear in each body part.
task response
Add one or two more clear examples to support your ideas. This will make your answer stronger and more real.
task response
Explain your second body part more fully. The idea about older minors is good, but it needs more support.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, so each sentence connects in a smooth way.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and develop it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check pronouns and noun groups, so the reader can follow who you mean each time.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give your own view.
task response
You show both sides and then give your position.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow most of the time.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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