IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In today's world many people own a smart phone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

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In
this
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 modern era,
due to
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 the advancement of technology,
people
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’s lifestyle has changed. Some
people
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 think that
people
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 who have
smartphones
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 can solve their
problems
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 easily and travel anywhere in the world,
while
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 some individuals think that owning
smartphones
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 can distract
people
Use synonyms
 easily and have a bad effect on their health. I think
this
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 term has more benefits despite the challenges
people
Use synonyms
 will face. On the one hand, digital mobile phones will help
people
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 to find the solution to their
problems
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 through the
internet
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. To illustrate, some
people
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 need the answer to their questions right away when they get stuck in a problem, so
smartphones
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 will help them to find their solution with the help of the
internet
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.
For instance
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, as per recent data by The Digital Department of India, 90%
people
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 who have
smartphones
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 can easily find the solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their problem by searching on the
internet
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 or You tube platform.
Thus
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,
people
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 always keep a smartphone with them during hard times.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 who don’t own
smartphones
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 are much happier than others because they spend most of their free time with family members and make some memories. To clarify,
smartphones
Use synonyms
 always distract
people
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 , and they always waste their time on social media rather than spending time with family.
As a result
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, family members will never have lovable memories with each other.
For example
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, during the COVID-19 pandemic,
people
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 were mostly at home
due to
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 isolation , but they mostly used
smartphones
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 at home, which resulted in a higher divorce rate in that particular year
due to
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smartphones
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.
Therefore
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,
smartphones
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 can distract
people
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 and cause some
problems
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 in families. In conclusion, mobile phones help
people
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 to bring them out of the hardest times with the help of the
internet
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 ,
whereas
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this
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 object
also
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 brings serious family
problems
Use synonyms
 at home. The advantages of owning
smartphones
Use synonyms
 outweigh their disadvantages.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
task response
Explain your examples more so the reader can see why they fit your point.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear idea in each paragraph and do not add too many ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and as a result.
task response
Check that each sentence clearly connects to the question about advantages and disadvantages.
task response
You answered the question and gave a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used examples to support your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphone
  • talk
  • message
  • information
  • map
  • app
  • bank
  • safety
  • time
  • distraction
  • sleep
  • privacy
  • security
  • screen time
  • balance
  • limit
  • habit
  • learning
  • work
  • health
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