IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some Young People are leaving the countryside to live in towns and cities, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The urbanisation
Correct determiner usage
Urbanisation
show examples
 has become prevalent in the modern era.
Young
Correct article usage
The young
show examples
 generation
preferred
Wrong verb form
prefers
show examples
 to live in
cities
Use synonyms
 rather than
regional
Change preposition
in regional
show examples
 areas, because of many significant
reasons
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the problems
due to
Linking Words
 urbanisation
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
then
Linking Words
, it will provide the solutions. There are many
reasons
Use synonyms
 behind,
people
Use synonyms
 are moving
metropolitan
Change preposition
to metropolitan
show examples
.
Check wording
areas.
show examples
 The first and foremost reason is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 youth are moving
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because of higher degrees. In the small towns, there are no universities or good universities for
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
higher studies. So, students have to move for
reasons
Use synonyms
.
The another
Correct determiner usage
Another
show examples
 reason is that, in the metro
cities
Use synonyms
, there are more job opportunities than
countryside
Change preposition
in the countryside
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 like the modern lifestyle in the
cities
Use synonyms
. They like to go
in the
Change preposition
to
show examples
 pubs and clubs and
through
Change preposition
to
show examples
 parties. They like to make new friends, which seems
be
Verb problem
to be
show examples
 possible in the metro
cities
Use synonyms
. As more
people
Use synonyms
 are settling in the big
cities
Use synonyms
,
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 generation is increasing in the small suburbs.
This
Linking Words
 is one of the main concerns.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should take some steps to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should establish good educational institutions in the countryside.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should enhance the transportation system to make it more reliable and
convienent
Correct your spelling
convenient
. In conclusion, young
people
Use synonyms
settling
Verb problem
are settling
show examples
 in big
cities
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many valid
reasons
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, only
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 generation remained in the regional areas.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should provide good colleges to overcome
this
Linking Words
 problem.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully. You write about reasons for moving, but the task asks about problems and solutions.
task response
Add clear problems in the countryside, like few workers, weak local services, and old people feeling alone.
task response
Give one or two real examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer paragraph focus. One paragraph for problems, one paragraph for solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way, such as first, also, as a result, and to solve this.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each main idea has a short explanation.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
Your essay stays on the general topic of young people moving to cities.
task response
You give some possible solutions, like better schools and better transport.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: