IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults . Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict
acton
Correct your spelling
action
 on young
people
Use synonyms
 who commit crimes as adults.
However
Linking Words
, I agree with statment and support the view with arguments in the following
paragraphas
Correct your spelling
paragraph
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
 commit any illegal behaviour like
, Robbery
Check wording
robbery, Robbery
show examples
, murder etc,
should
Correct pronoun usage
they should
show examples
 take legal
actions
Check wording
action
show examples
 and give punishment.
However
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue government should take
serios
Correct your spelling
serious
 action.
at
Fix capitalization
At
show examples
 the same time, Every individal have responsibilty to make awarness on
such
Linking Words
 crimes. Recently, I went to a park
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my home town
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I kept my wallet on
bench
Correct article usage
a bench
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, one young person came and
try
Wrong verb form
tried
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 to
stole
Wrong verb form
steal
show examples
 it
and i
Punctuation problem
. I
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 warned him
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 he ran from that place. Eventually,
My
Fix capitalization
my
show examples
 wallet was safe.
Hence
Linking Words
, strict rules may stop these activities in public places.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the younger generation is important for every country and make them in to good track gives enormous results. So, Minor punishments are better to control serious activities
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 by
under
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people under
show examples
18 age group
Correct word order
the age of 18
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Social awarness
Correct your spelling
social awareness
 is crucial for
every one
Correct your spelling
everyone
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
campaigng
Correct your spelling
campaigning
 is
also
Linking Words
excellent
Correct article usage
an excellent
show examples
approch
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approach
 to reach the young
people
Use synonyms
.But not
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
least,
Governmet
Correct your spelling
Government
 should start circulum in
school
Check wording
schools
show examples
 about crimes and possible punishments if they
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 any illegal
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
. In conclusion,
Awarness
Correct your spelling
Awareness
 should start from scool it will control the crime. I strongly agree with the
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
 and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should control and implement action.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why you agree, and keep this idea strong in all body parts.
task response
Use ideas that match your opinion. You say young people should get adult punishment, but later you say minor punishment is better. This makes your view unclear.
task response
Add one or two clear examples that fully support your main point. Your park story is personal, but it does not clearly show a serious crime.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part about one main idea only. This will help the reader follow your writing more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, for example, and in conclusion. Do not join too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with a short explanation. Some ideas are given, but they are not fully developed.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and again in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has basic paragraph order: introduction, body, body, conclusion.
task response
You try to use an example to support your point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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