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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts below show information about people who played electronic games in South Korea in 2003. Provide an overview of the information by identifying and describing the key details, and include comparisons where appropriate.

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The pie charts give information about individuals who played digital
games
Use synonyms
 in South Korea in 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of electronic
games
Use synonyms
 was played by males under 18 years old. The
games
Use synonyms
 they mostly like playing are action
games
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the age of game
players
Use synonyms
, the biggest
percentage
Use synonyms
 was 39%, for guys under 18,
while
Linking Words
 the number of
players
Use synonyms
 between 18 and 36 was 1% lower than that. Only 26% of
players
Use synonyms
 were older than 36 years old. It was notably, man played
such
Linking Words
games
Use synonyms
 three times more than women. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of female
players
Use synonyms
 was only 28%,
while
Linking Words
 for males it was 72%. Regarding the types of
games
Use synonyms
 they played, 6 kinds of
games
Use synonyms
 were the most common among Korean people.
Games
Use synonyms
 with actions were the top, compared to other
games
Use synonyms
. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
games
Use synonyms
 with actions was 43%.
According to
Linking Words
 racing and sports
games
Use synonyms
, their
percentage
Use synonyms
 was close , with a difference of 3 per cent, 17% and 20% , respectively. Educational and role-playing
games
Use synonyms
 experienced the same
percentage
Use synonyms
, with 7%. The lowest interest was for other
games
Use synonyms
, with 6%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words games, percentage, players with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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