IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Schools should teach children some academic subjects which will be beneficial to their future careers. Therefore, other subjects such as music and sports are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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At present, whilst opponents
aruge
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argue
 that
Use synonyms
school
Correct subject-verb agreement
schools
show examples
 should teach offspring some academic courses,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
proponents hold a different perspective.
However
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, I am
stanuch beleiver
Correct your spelling
a staunch believer
 that academic
educational
Replace the word
education
 is an essentil to prepare children for the future and make them have
skilled
Correct article usage
a skilled
show examples
 workforce to work in differnt filed.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
school
Use synonyms
 plays a significant role in our lives. It helps
students
Use synonyms
 to be prepared for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 by
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
 them academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 espically
students
Use synonyms
 who come from disadvantaged backgrounds. In
different
Correct word choice
other
show examples
 words, when
techer
Correct your spelling
teachers
 teach educated
students
Use synonyms
 and set a formative assessment, they can know the
Use synonyms
students's weakness
Check wording
students' weaknesses
show examples
.
For example
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 the
UAE
Punctuation problem
UAE,
show examples
 the
ministery
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Ministry
 of
education
Fix capitalization
Education
show examples
 forced
students
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 to learn
mathmatics
Correct your spelling
mathematics
 and biology in high
school
Use synonyms
 to have
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 to enrol in medical college.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some
contries
Use the right word
countries
show examples
 set
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vital
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as music and sport
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is graded
at the end
Linking Words
 of
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
 year, so those schools
prepared
Wrong verb form
prepare
show examples
 them for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 and set rote learning
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as playing in a famous team in the
wordwild
Correct your spelling
world
 or playing some music in
public
Correct article usage
a public
show examples
 band. To illustrate, those schools have
continous
Correct your spelling
continuous
 professional development with them and vocational
traning
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training
.
To
Change preposition
For
show examples
 instance, these
school
Use synonyms
 in poor
contries
Use the right word
countries
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as India will foster their skills and develop
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
. In conclusion,
after
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this
Linking Words
 essay has manifested the points
mention
Wrong verb form
mentioned
show examples
 above, it can be reiterated that academic
subjects
Use synonyms
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a vital role in our lives. I am
convienced
Correct your spelling
convinced
 that if schools set
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 academic
programe
Correct your spelling
program
 and
subjects
Use synonyms
 will
develp
Correct your spelling
develop
 their
skilled
Replace the word
skills
 for people who come from
disadvantadeged
Correct your spelling
disadvantaged
 backgrounds and support them to have skilled
workforece
Correct your spelling
workforce
.

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task response
Task response: You give your view, but your answer is not fully clear all the time. Say your main idea in a simple way and keep the same view from start to end.
task response
Task response: Answer all parts of the topic more directly. You should clearly say why music and sport are less important, or why they are still important.
task response
Task response: Your examples are useful, but some are not clear or not well linked to your main idea. Use one simple and clear example in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear shape with an opening, two body parts, and an ending. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some ideas do not connect well. Use easy link words like first, also, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Keep one main idea in each body part. Then explain it and give one example. This will make your writing easier to follow.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the essay.
task response
You try to use examples from real life, like the UAE and India.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs, and this helps the reader follow your ideas.
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