IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think best way to solve global environmental issues is to increase the price of fossil fuel. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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In a contemporary world, many people believe that the possible way to resolve the issue of environmental
pollutions
Check wording
pollution
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 is to increase the actual
cost
Use synonyms
 of
fuel
Use synonyms
. Having carefully considered the statement, I strongly agree that global warming in modern days is the most concerning issue that needs extensive discussion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the compelling reasons why I agree with the statement is the benefits associated
when
Change preposition
with
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 raising the
cost
Use synonyms
. Carbon emission is one of the biggest issues in today’s world, especially
through
Change preposition
due to
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 excessive
use
Use synonyms
 of fossil fuels. Private vehicles
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 jets and
industries
Punctuation problem
industries,
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 are some of the major parties
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 are using
substantial
Correct article usage
a substantial
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 amount
Use synonyms
fuel
Change preposition
of fuel
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releasing
Punctuation problem
, releasing
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 harmful chemicals into the atmosphere. Not only
Linking Words
this has
Correct word order
has this
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 impacted the environment, but
also
Linking Words
is
Verb problem
apply
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creating
imbalance
Correct article usage
an imbalance
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 in eco-system.
Therefore
Linking Words
, raising
Use synonyms
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
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 of
fuel
Use synonyms
 makes it unaffordable and
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
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 in low
use
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 of fossil
fuel
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 believe that raising
fuel
Use synonyms
price
Check wording
prices
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 opens the door to
look
Wrong verb form
looking
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 for other alternatives.
This
Linking Words
 can shift in complete
use
Use synonyms
 of renewable resources
such
Linking Words
 as solar energy, hydropower, and biogas. The best example in
this
Linking Words
 context is Bhutan, as they were able to demonstrate how they reduce air pollution
due to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of electricity.
However
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 to be noted that raising
fuel
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cost
Check wording
costs
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 can sometimes provide enormous pressure to the government, particularly through
protest
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protests
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, public participation is much needed before deciding on increasing
Use synonyms
fuel
Correct article usage
the fuel
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 price. Taking everything into account, I agree that raising
fuel
Use synonyms
price
Check wording
prices
show examples
 is the best option to solve the environmental problem.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 political concern may arise, I believe that the
long term
Correct your spelling
long-term
 benefits
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 by far the best as compared to
immediate
Correct article usage
an immediate
show examples
 response by
general
Correct article usage
the general
show examples
 public.

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task response
Answer all parts of the question more clearly. You say you strongly agree, but you do not fully explain why this is the best way, not just one way.
task response
Add one more clear idea about why higher fuel price can help, and explain it with a simple result for people, business, and travel.
task response
Your example about Bhutan is useful, but it is too short. Explain how it links to fuel price and the environment.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some body paragraphs are not fully developed. Add one or two more sentences to support each main point.
coherence and cohesion
Linking is sometimes unclear. Use simple words like first, also, for example, however, and so to show the path of your ideas.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it to the end.
task response
You stay on the topic of fuel price and the environment.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, a short opposite view, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraph order is easy to follow.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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