Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Today, the world is very different from the past. Many
people
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say that the only way to guarantee a good
job
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is to complete a
course
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of
university
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education
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course
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. Others,
however
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, claim that it is better to start
work
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after
school
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and
gain
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experience in the world of
work
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.
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This
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In this
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essay i will discuss both views and give my own opinion. On the one hand, there are some
people
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say
Correct pronoun usage
who say
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that
only
Correct article usage
the only
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way to guarantee a good
job
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is to complete a
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course of
Correct word order
university course
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university
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education
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.
First,
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people
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have a
university
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degree.
For example
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, students who graduate with a
university
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degree
they
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apply
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are more in demand for
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job
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jobs
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.
Second,
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they have enough knowledge. When they finish a
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course
Punctuation problem
course,
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they will be more
awareness
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aware
and understanding.
For example
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, they understand anything in a hard
job
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.
Finally
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, workers are better educated. Many jobs
need
Verb problem
require
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a person
has
Wrong verb form
to have
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a good
education
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.
For example
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, a lot of jobs are competitive and require a high level of
education
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.
On the other hand
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, there are some
people
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claim
Correct pronoun usage
who claim
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that it is better to start
work
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after
school
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and
gain
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experience in the world of
work
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.
First,
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it enhances their personal growth.
they
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They
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will learn how to be independent .
For instance
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, Many workers felt confident and responsible after
school
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.
Second,
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personal
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personnel
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can
gain
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a
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apply
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new information and skills.
Works
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Work
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after
school
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can teach them how to
more
Verb problem
be
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smarter.
For instance
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,
people
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discover
a
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apply
show examples
new skills through working at a young age.
Finally
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,
the
Correct pronoun usage
they
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develop their ability to solve problems.
For instance
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, working helps
people
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how
Verb problem
learn how
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to solve problems in different situations. In conclusion, it is clear to see that
people
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have different opinions.
However
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, both views have positive and negative sides. I believe that
university
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education
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is more important for
nowadays
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today's
jobs.
Also
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,
People
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should complete a
course
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of
university
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education
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to
gain
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a better career and experience.

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task response
Write your ideas in a more clear way. Some lines are hard to follow because of grammar and word use.
task response
Answer all parts of the task with more balance. You discuss both views and give your opinion, but your opinion is very short.
task response
Use more specific examples. Your examples are often general and do not fully support the main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one simple plan: main idea, explanation, example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences do not connect well to the one before.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph opening lines. Some phrases like 'there are some people say' are not natural and make the flow weak.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most main points are easy to see because you use words like First, Second, and Finally.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • critical thinking skills
  • specialized expertise
  • on-the-job training
  • work experience
  • financial independence
  • career growth
  • hands-on experience
  • balanced perspective
  • internships
  • part-time work
  • academic learning
  • vocational training
  • apprenticeships
  • personal circumstances
  • financial constraints
  • career goals
  • individual aptitudes
  • well-paying careers
  • satisfying careers
  • specialized training
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